as LOnG as U dON't stOp...

“Udah lama mbak ngak ke mari,” he...tak reti nak buat muka dengan gaya macam mane. Tu la...padan muka kat diri sendiri, sampai kene tegur dengan ibu yang ngajar Quran. Buat2 busy lagi. Since coming back from semester break tak tunjuk2 muka kat ibu. Tapi, macam terharu bila fikir yang dia baru je joining the pengajian for less that a year but that ibu is able to remember her face. Betulla orang cakap, orang yang hati bersih dan alim2 ni ingatan dia kuat.

But then, bila fikir balik dia bukanlah dari stock2 yang selalu pergi dengar ceramah. Bukan jugak time kecik2 dulu selalu dengan riang rianya ikut parents ke masjid or wut not. Cumanya bila dah duduk kat sekolah agama time secondary school dulu baru la mula kerah dan marah diri, suruh rajin2 la bersihkan hati dengan benda2 macam ni and the confession: memang susah nak buat.

Thousands of excuses could be created when she got lazy. Nak tido la, malas la, tak makan lagi la tapi dia tak pernah la guna excuse nak study. It’s indeed absospookylutely one lame excuse la kalau nak apply in her context yang time tu macam kanak2 ribena lagi, asyik fikir nak main, tido and watching tv. So, if she ever came with that hampagas excuse alamakataklah tak de sape yang nak percaya.

Tapi manusia. Over the time, one should be getting more matured. Tak kan selama2nya tak teringin nak ikut fitrah. Tak kan la never on earth crossed her mind the idea to deepen her study dalam hal2 agama dan ibadah tak pun akidah.

It doesn’t need even a quarter of her brain to deduce yang bukanla dengan berhuha-huha aje yang diperlukan untuk selamat kat dunia and the hereafter. An empty heart should be filled with Islamic thoughts and teachings tapi nak tau macam mane Islamic teaching kalau dah 24/7 tak nak spare some time listening and reading all the Islamic stuff?

Bila dah ader rase nak change for good dia tried to fulfill the resolution. Even most of the time struggling, juggling nak manage time. Mane nak beramal, mane nak study, memang tak reti. Tapi cuba jugak jadi persistent. Walau kekadang terdengar ade suara2 menggertak kalau tak focus on study alone kang tak pass exam atau bile tetiba rase nak mengeluh, down semacam sebab tak habis study or tak siap lagi homework tapi kene pi dengar ceramah.

She should’ve changed her mind setting, pasal dah tua, should get the point yang all the religious activities yang dia participated seinci pun tak pernah lower her grade or stealing her study time. Tu sumer merely rumor yang sangatlah groundless. Mula belajar terima hakikat yang kalau her marks were not at the satisfying level, it was herself to be blamed. Yang malas nak study since the very beginning, bukannya dengan sesuka-suki salahkan benda2 yang enable her to be a good muslimah.

But definitely the changes were not in a drastic way. Pape pun she should thank everyone in her life that led her to the right direction, she should appreciate each experience that she attained during her adolescence. Semuanya very much worth it in teaching her the beautiful meaning of life. The beautiful life is the blessed one, yang diberkati dan penuh ketenangan. That’s her first crucial lesson in life, leading her to some others yang totally beneficial.

"Don’t tell your problems to people: 80% don’t care about them and 20% are glad you have them."- It sounds sarcastic but yeah that’s life………………for those materialists. But for the Muslims...

“...Help ye one another in righteousness and piety, but help ye not one another in sin and rancor: fear Allah: for Allah is strict in punishment.” – al Maida 5:2

“The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practise regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.” – at Tawba 9:71.

Dia bersyukur, lahir sebagai muslim. Sentiasa dinasihati, ditunjuk ajar, diberikan kesempatan untuk berubah, dididik dan diasuh dalam linkungan yang baik. Oleh golongan yang terpilih. Kadang2 terfikir, if all these people were unpredictably selfish and refused to spend their time on da’wah (enjoining good and forbidding evil), would she be exactly like the way she is right now. It could be. It’s Allah’s will, no one knows. But under the normal circumstance, it would be unlikely…..

By then she knew that others already did something under the name of Islam. Sedangkan dia, nak suruh pergi dengar ceramah pun susah. Bile buat self-reflect, rasa macam ntah pape. Banyak lagi yang nak kene buat and at the same time, life is getting shorter...and shorter each year.


Take your time to contemplate on the journey that you have walked so far………………
It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you don’t stop…

Ya Allah, Kamulah Tuhan yang sangat suka mengampun, ampunkanlah dosa-dosa saya).

a GaL LikE heR...

Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils) – al Isra’

Sadaqallahul azim. Allah says the truth. Perlahan holly Koran itu ditutup dan tangan diangkat, putting al kitab on the side table next to her bed. Sebelah tangan lagi laju membuka ikatan telekung at the back of her head. Termenung memikirkan verse yang baru dibaca. Telekung dilipat kemas dan kaki berjalan menuju ke tingkap. One beautiful Sunday morning. Calm, peaceful and tranquil atmosphere. Yeah, another gift from Him to His creatures. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the world (alhamdulillahi rabbil ‘alamin), Allah is the greatest (Allahu akbar) and glory be to Allah (subhanallah).

Pandangan ditala pada kawanan burung yang terbang dan berkicauan. Tetiba teringat time a level. Heh, tersenyum sendiri. Tak sangka dah besar panjang, tak sangka jugak dah dewasa aka matured enough to think and to spill some words of wisdom kat kengkawan se-a level. Dan tak sangka jugak dah ade kawan jumped into a marriage. Tu semua kisah a level. Kisah yang tak seberapa panjang in proportion to her whole life but the period was long enough to make her understood the importance of friendship, a continuity to her comprehension since her secondary school. Masih sama, padanya kawan masih lagi seorang yang akan protect her friends from any danger not only in here but in the hereafter. Bukan takat berhuha-huha sesedap oren, gossiping every now and then, nak tau ni bf sape, sape minat kat sape or what top pop shows now on tv tapi kawan jugaklah yang bertanggungjawab bagi nasihat, kejutkan solat, ajak posa reramai dan jadi role-model untuk dia bangun solat malam.

Tapi tu time secondary school, phase of fully absorbing all the theories of friendship. Tak put the idea into practice lagi sebab dia yang paling nakal dan dia la yang paling banyak terima nasihat. Thanks to all her friends. And some more, itu masa kat sekolah agama, sekolah yang jarang ade social problems especially between the opposite genders, yang dah diajar since the very beginning the limitation in socializing dengan bebudak laki and the essential of covering the aurah and lowering the gaze. Yang rase secure je kalau tertido dekat waktu solat sebab ade je yang nak tolong kejutkan.

Confession: Memang naik pelik kene cultural shock, the first time she made her baby steps into new world. Weird feeling each time she saw the way boys and girls greeting, talking to one another. Rase macam baru sampai dari andromeda galaxy, everything so strange up to the point where she felt like “rerasa jpa marah tak kalau mintak nak buat a level back at her secondary school je.”

Heh, tapi sebab dah besar dan tak payah IQ up to 180 to know yang jpa takkan accept that one lame excuse jadi dia teruskan jugak la study kat situ. Dan mula belajar to put all the theories into practice, walau payah, tak larat, penat, malas. Dah kene fikir bebetul mane yang baik dan yang buruk. Dah tak de orang yang voluntarily nak bagitau. Dah tak de batch mates yang sibuk nak ambik tau kalau buat silap, dah tak de seniors yang nak ingatkan to keep the distance from this mushy-lovey-dovey creepy story of boys and girls. Kene aware sendiri time solat, dah tak de orang yang nak kejutkan bangun solat berjemaah reramai bile masuk je waktu. Gotta grow up mentally and spiritually. Dah tak boleh take things for granted and it’s definite.

A level-year indeed a big challenge to her mind and her soul. Dulu tak payah nak fikir sangat masalah couple2 ni sebab seniors kan ade, biar diorang yang advise bebudak ni, or others in her batch might lend hands as well to this matter.

Sekarang tak. Semua kene buat sendirian berhad. Belajar erti dakwah yang sebenar. Memang tak reti tapi kene gagahkan jugak. Walau memula malas nak ambik tau pasal gossips tapi lelama kene tau jugak, takut kalau gossips become reality maka kene la bertanggungjawab bagi nasihat supaya jaga hubungan. Jangan terlebih manis sebelum nikah. Belajar dan mengajar diri supaya jangan nak mematchmaking a.k.a gossiping kan anak dara dan teruna orang sesuka-suki takut lebih banyak fitnah, dosa dan maksiat. Takut jadi terlebih rapat orang yang digossip, sendiri tak tertanggung dosa and run out of pahala.

Dan belajar serta mengajar diri menjadi pemberi nasihat aka social psychologist aka public relation officer dalam bab2 yang dia sendiri pun tak berani nak venture tapi taram je bukak mulut sebab takut tak bagi nasihat jadi benda lain pulak.

Tergelak kecil sensorang tepi tingkap. Among the advices given was in promoting marriage to young couples. Kelakar sebab budget bagus je suruh orang kawin but indeed she was serious and always serious, regardless of the sayings, “jangan gunakan alasan agama untuk kawin, sebab niat nak cegah dosa tapi kalau dah tak completely prepared mentally, physically and spiritually nanti buat tambah dosa je lepas kawin.”

It’s true. Tapi macam mane nak cure orang yang tengah intoxicated dengan cinta jiwa raga bakul ni semua? Prevention hanya bagi orang yang tak penah involved dengan benda pelik2 ni tapi kalau dah termasuk dalam zone kehampagasan, susah nak tarik keluar melainkan dengan offering alternative which is “get married first before nak bawak anak dara orang ke hulu ke hilir.”

Yang penting, semua kene ambik responsibility. Jangan nak bab gossiping excellent, nak enjoining good and forbidding evil, bagi nasihat...penyegan. tapi bile things get worst, pandai pulak mengumpat dan menunding jari siap dengan geleng kepala.

“dah kawin ni kene la beringat, it’s like you are stealing some body’s son. Tak boleh nak buat bodo je. Get married to the son, buat dunno to the mum. Tak baik, jangan buat mertua sendirik terasa. takut dia rase kecik hati ko dah la ambik anak dia dari dia then tak nak pulak berbaik-baik dengan dia. Selalu2 la call her. Make her feels needed, wanted and accepted in your life. Make her feels the importance of her presence, how significant she is dan jangan memandai-mandai nak buat dia rase tersisih, terpinggir.”

Huh, sampai sekarang she got no idea, how in the world the words could simply come out from her mouth. Unpredictable sungguh mulut ni...

Happy Ramadan al mubarak to all Moslems around the world.

“O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint,” – al Baqara (the cow) 2:183

fROm tHis mOmENt...

Hidup…telah lama ditempuhnya.
Walau mungkin bukan dalam perkiraan masa yang panjang
Tapi sudah mampu mengajarnya bersyukur
Tanda betapa dia menghargai segala miliknya,
tanda berpenat lelah mencuba memadai dengan yang ada
Menghakis segala perasaan iri mahupun dengki
Sedaya mungkin gembira pada kurniaan Ilahi

Walau kadang ternyata gagal
Walau kadang ternyata pedih menghiris
Walau kadang terasa disisih
Walau kadang ternyata bisa kecundang
Namun ditahan hati daripada mengeluh
Tak bisa merestui ungkapan amarah dan kecewa yang mengeruh
Mencuba seadanya mengawal yang terdaya

Hati
Betapa mudah diperkotak katikkan
Betapa longgar kedudukan iman
Betapa berpengaruh bisikan syaitan
Betapa hina dipalit dosa yang menghancurkan
Betapa tak bisa bangun dalam malap tanpa cahaya dan sebuah pengharapan

Sungguh betapa hidup membuatnya tersenyum
Betapa duka membuatnya tabah dan berserah
Betapa kasih sayang buatnya mengenal erti sebuah pengorbanan
Betapa Ilahi tunjukinya jalan
Betapa dia cuba untuk bertatih mengadap Nya
Walau ketara ranjau penuh berduri di kiri dan kanan
Walau ternyata penderitaan berpanjangan

Namun, demi mengingat segala nikmat
Demi sedar akan kasih yag tersemat
Demi pengorbanan yang tak bisa dilihat
Membuatnya sedar akan erti sebuah kehidupan
Yang penuh kedhaifan tanpa keredhaan Mu, ya Tuhan

Sungguh tak bisa dimengertikan
Betapa dalam cinta yang lahir
Betapa agung kasih yang zahir
Tanpa menyerah dan mengabdi diri
Bukan kepada yang lain tapi hanya pada Nya

Selamat hari lahir pada diri sendiri......
Thank you Allah for letting me
Live the world .Breath the air. Feel the warmth of ur love and the sweetness of iman.

090907:0714

"....My Lord! grant me that I may give thanks for Thy favor which Thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may do good which pleases Thee and do good to me in respect of my offspring; surely I turn to Thee, and surely I am of those who submit" - al Ahqaf 46:15

bLuR...

Blur... really x 10 to da power of wutsoever. Time2 blur ni la rase macam summer sifat mazmumah (wickedness) are breaking their dormancy and actively making their way from latent state into lytic cycle (from ground state to excited state? - tu rase dah macam gune physics terms) Dunno. Rasa nak marahlah, stressed up dan ntahpapantah lagi.

“Jika engkau tak menyibukkan diri dengan kebenaran,maka dirimu akan disibukkan dengan yang batil” - Imam Syafi’ie.

Ouch, that hurts.
Memang pun da whole weekend asyik busy memanjang, busy pasal dunia and da consequences of da marathon-mengejar-dunia thingy : severe headache and extreme depression, not to mention lack of sleep and of course ibadah. Tetiba macam suffered from emotional damage. Down semacam. Rase tersisihla, tak dihargailah, terpinggir la and bla..bla..bla..sumer sibuk. Tak de mase for each other. Terlupa nak mengingatiNYA jugak. Paling hampagas, terabai amal maaruf nahi mungkar (Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil) dalam menyibukkan diri dengan hal dunia.

"And let there be (arising) from you a nation inviting to (all that is) good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, and those will be the successful." (3:104)

Those above are the feelings for today and the mode selected: dun mess with me or get killed. Okeh, sounds so sadistic. Tak, sebab bile bad mood mesti rasa macam nak marah. So, before anyone gets snapped better keeps da distance. Prevention is always better than cure.

And da best therapy is always from Allah. Bile rasa dah tak tenteram sangat to high heaven barula teringat nak solat sunatla (sunnah/ optional prayer), nak tilawah Quran la (recitation of holy Quran), nak doa bebanyak la, nak infaqlah (giving in da way of Allah),

“You will not attain true goodness until you give of what you love and whatever ye give, of a truth Allah knoweth it well.” (Al ‘Imran, 3:92)

dan lain2 lagi yang sama species dengannnya. It’s His promise: nak cari solace, find and seek for it only from Him. Insya Allah, (God’s will) He will grant u peacefulness and calmness sooner or later. By hook or by crook.

“Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!” – ar Ra’d (the thunder) 13:28

Makanya here she is. In da middle of campus mosque, wearing her telekong ingat nak buat solat sunat dhuha (prayer of da period between sunrise and noon). Performing prayer and praying hard are the most beautiful things to do when the alarm is ringing, making her alert that the iman-threatening species is in da house damaging the faith system!

Tengah solat, tetiba telekung is reluctant to cooperate effectively with her. Longgar plak, but then can’t blame da telekung. (Expected. It’s not mine anyway. Masjid punye). Bile ruku’ ke, sujud ke, telekung tu tertarik ke depan dan ke depan and the end result is she exactly looks like an alien from Pluto stranded sum where in Honolulu. Tak nampak muka dah, tertutup dengan telekong.

Memang bile rasa terasing dan tak dipeduli, do go and tell ur Lord bout it. He will always have ways to make u feel better. Tetiba je time duduk antara 2 sujud ade plak rase tangan tolong tarikkan telekung ke belakang, betulkan tali yang terikat kat belakang telekung. Frankly speaking tadi confirmed rasa macam unwanted, unneeded, being neglected and abandoned, tak dipedulikan, emptiness.

Alih2 rasa macam ade jugak orang yang nak ambik berat kat diri. Tak sangka pulak ada orang teperasan problem between her and the telekung. Rase gembira kat diri sendiri sebab rasa macam ade je orang yang concern kat diri ni dan disayangi - walaupun hanya dengan membetulkan telekung yang took less than 1 minute exactly. “seminit sentuhan lebih bermakna daripada 5 minutes kata2?”- guess so.

Kuar je dari masjid, lebih bersemagat. Mood alteration to the positive one. Really wanna thank Him for the changes, thanks to whoever sis yang berjasa sangat tolong betulkan telekung. Dah boleh senyum dah. Dah tak bad mood lagi. Tu la agaknya yang orang cakap
“Sum times the reason of ur smiles is the least expected...”

p/s : some said, a human related to others via emotion, not merely based on intellectuality. Spiritual and belief are part of emotion (personal opinion not based on scientific or wut not). Sum times we do feel lonely, unappreciated, pretty mess every here and there, every now and then. Just remember, manusia lupa kat kite, abaikan kite ntah2 sebab kite sendiri pun dah lupa padaNYA. Terlebih bersuka-suki, intoxicated dengan keseronokkan dunia dan being totally deceived dengan cinta manusia yang tak habis2 dan bergelak ketawa tak sudah2.

But thank Allah for providing a beautiful, special form of negative feedback mechanism. Bile dah terlebih huha2, dan2 rase sedih tak tentu pasal. Emo la pulak. Tapi time vulnerable state tu barula rase nak rethink and recollect diri sendiri, nak buat muhasabah (self-critics) bebanyak, feeling guilty and regretting own sins, nak ingat Allah frequently.

Allah al Mighty. This is not merely about the physiology of human body which keeps the balance of the internal environment. It’s more toward spirituality. The negative feedback here keeps oneself on da rite track, helps to abide by holy Koran and the tradition of prophet (pbuh), assists in correcting the erroneous parts and improving the weak points- to fix things up, leading humans to HIM with guilt, shyness and modesty (haya) are the parameters. Just dun lose them, sebab nanti buat dosa banyak pun dah tak rase pape.

Narrated by Abu Huraira (ra): The Prophet said, "Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And Haya (This term "Haya" covers a large number of concepts which are to be taken together; amongst them are self respect, modesty, bashfulness, and scruple, etc.) is a part of faith." (Bukhari)

Our Prophet (saw) said: "Haya does not bring anything except good." (Bukhari)

"Haya comes from eeman; eeman leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire." (Bukhari)