maLaikat Mu daTang mEnJemput

Mata perlahan menyusuri tiap bait perkataan yang tertera di skrin. Sungguh, dia tak berniat untuk berlama-lama membaca artikel itu, tapi apa yang disampaikan menarik perhatiannya.

Ada cerita di situ, yang mahu disampaikan. Ada pengajaran darinya, yang mahu diceduk, mahu dibuat bekalan atas nama sebuah peringatan.

Lantas, matanya terus merenung patah kata, tekun, hingga ke akhir kisah...kisah luhur dari hati, tentang hidup dan sebuah pengakhiran.

CHAPTER 1: THIS IS MY LIFE....

Assalamualaikum semua... aku buat blog ni untuk berkongsi pengalaman hidup aku dgn semua kawan2 aku sebab ramai yang tanya kenapa aku ambik spm lambat....aku tulis dlm BI tau...

THIS IS MY STORY......

My name is Khalid Abdul Aziz. I was born on 12 December 1987. Now my age is 18 years old. I was in form 4 at SM Teknik Bukit Piatu, Melaka. In school, I was very active in sport. I can play all sports like rugby, football, badminton and table tennis. But I only play rugby for my school. I enjoy this game because it can improve my stamina and can strengthen my muscles. Although it is a rough game but it is a good way to release tension by tackling n pulling down the players of the opposing team... hehehe...Other than sports, I also involve myself in cadet (pkbm).As a cadet, I represent the school n state cadet team. I'm an outdoor person.

CHAPTER 2: NEVER TAKE HEALTH for GRANTED

In mid July 2003, I discovered a lump on the left side of my neck. It was 2cm in diameter. I wasn't worried about it because it was not painful. I thought it was my pulse. But, after a few weeks, it grew bigger and I found another one behind my neck. During one of my camping, I consulted the army doctor about my lumps and he said that I should be worried if the lumps get bigger. He advised me to go to the doctor if that happens.

In 18 October 2003, my father took me to a private GP (General Practitioner) to have my swollen lymph nodes checked. After a physical examination of a node, he referred me to the general hospital. He was not sure what caused my nodes to swell. 3 days later, I went to the general hospital. There, I had a chest x-ray and a blood test done. The results were normal and the doctor referred me to the ENT (ear, nose and throat) clinic for further investigation. All these happened very fast and caught me by surprise. For all of you out there one lesson to be learned is NEVER TAKE HEALTH 4 GRANTED....

CHAPTER 3: I WAS SHOCKED

On the second of Ramadan that is 26 October 2003, I went to the ENT clinic, bringing along the referral letter. Since that day, I went through a battery of tests such as laryngoscopy, a fine needle biopsy, ultra sound scan, a CT scan, and blood test. I WAS VERY SHOCKED with all those tests because it was my first experience in my life and they were VERY PAINFUL!

An appointment was made on the first December with a specialist to get the diagnosis. While waiting for the diagnosis, I found more lumps in my elbow and groin area. I don't really understand what is going on in my body because I don't really feel any pain but the ENT doctor said it might be LYMPHOMA. That was the first time I heard of the word lymphoma. My father told me it is type of CANCER. CANCER???!!!!! I was shocked but I felt quite calm when the doctors said that this disease can be cured with the grace of ALLAH.

We went again to the ENT clinic on the first of December but I was disappointed when told that the FNAC (fine needle aspiration cytology) was inconclusive because lack of tissues. This means more tests!! That same afternoon, I came back to the clinic to get a node excision. The procedure was quite PAINFUL because they only gave me a LA (local anesthesia). I was quite surprised at the size of the node. It was as big as a table tennis ball.

The CT scan showed that I have multiple cervical swellings. Another two weeks of waiting to get the node biopsy results. Meanwhile, I prayed so much that I will survive this difficult time with patience and strength with the help of ALLAH, MOST GRACIOUS.

CHAPTER 4: GOING DOWNHILL

Since that day, I felt unwell. I became pale, lethargic, night fevers, headaches, breathlessness, night sweats and intense itching. I don't understand why I became like this because before this I was active and healthy. However, for the past month I learn doing exercise the QIQONG way to help slow down the spread of the disease. I even went to some traditional healers, homeopathy, energy healing and took supplement.

My condition became worse and I got admitted in the hospital on the 14 December 2003. On that day, I was very anemic with a HB (hemoglobin) of 3.1. That explain why I felt weak, breathless and chest discomfort due to lack of oxygen in the body. I was way below the normal HB that is 14-16. I actually collapsed in the ward on the day of admission. I feel thankful to ALLAH to make it possible for me to fast and do my tarawikh although my health deteriorated so fast during the month of Ramadan.

CHAPTER 5: WARDED!!

I stayed in the ward for 13 days. During this time, I got low grade fevers for 12 days n I was on antibiotics all the while. Many tests were done on me like blood tests, gave me oxygen, gave me sodium chloride with drip, transfuse blood and lastly a doctor took a bone marrow specimen through a procedure called the BMA (Bone Marrow Aspiration) because she said they want to look whether the disease has gone to the bones or not. At this point, I was engulfed with anxiety because I can't imagine how it will be like when they DRILL into my pelvic bone!!!!!

Before the BMA, I was injected with pethidine to sedate me and give me less pain when they aspirate the bone marrow. After that, I had to lie for 6 hours.
I waited for 1 week for the bone marrow result. The result came on Wednesday, 24th December 2003. It shows that possibly my bone marrow has been infiltrated. This means my disease (lymphoma) is at grade 4B which is the most advanced stage. LAHAULAWALAQUWWATAILLABILLAH.....

CHAPTER 6: MY FIRST AMBULANCE RIDE

One day after that, I was off to Hospital Kuala Lumpur in an ambulance because the visiting hematologist wanted me to start treatment there. The night before that, my mother gave me a haircut in the ward because the doctor advised me to; because my hair will drop as a side effect of chemotherapy and I won't be psychologically affected. The ambulance ride was my first experience. My mother who accompanied me had a tough time in the ambulance because the driver drove fast and it was not very comfortable.

CHAPTER 7: NHL- NON HODGKINS LYMPHOMA

We reached HKL at 8.30 am. We registered at the hematology clinic and I was admitted to ward 19 which is a third class ward. My father is entitled for first class ward but it was full at that time. I stayed in ward 19 for 2 days. It was here that the doctors told me that my bone marrow is 90% infiltrated and they would not delay treatment.

From their clinical findings and from the bone marrow slides, they have a different diagnosis of my disease that is the NHL 'T' cell (NHL-Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma) instead of NHL 'B' cell as diagnosed by Malacca Hospital. It seems that it is not easy to diagnose this disease because there are about 35 subtypes involving many types of cells in our body.

I was overwhelmed with this newly learned fact about the greatness of ALLAH creation. We don't realize that we are endowed with so many types of cells in our body and when some cells malfunction, our body become sick. SUBHANALLAH- Glory is to ALLAH.......

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Termenung, cuba untuk mencari pengajaran di sebalik kisah. Melihat bayang sendiri di cermin, berkali-kali hati mengucap syukur ke hadrat Ilahi atas anugerah kesihatan yang dimiliki. Ya, yang dia miliki sedangkan masih ramai di luar sana yang merayu kepada Nya agar dikurniakan suatu hari lagi di dunia untuk menyembah Nya, memohon ampun pada Nya dan menggapai rahmat dan kasih Nya. Betapa dia tak sedar akan hakikat itu, betapa leka dan alpa diulit syaitan dan hiburan.

Tangan diangkat, hujung jari menyentuh cermin. Bagai cuba menyentuh bayang sendiri di sebalik kaca. Mengamati wajah dan tiap anggota. Belajar untuk mengira nikmat yang diberi. Nyata tak terkira,dari aliran darah yang menyusuri tiap anggota hingga segala macam sel yang bekerja.

Dan betapa dia begitu cepat bersedih atas sesuatu yang tak bisa dikecapi padahal terlalu banyak nikmat lain yang diterima tanpa lafaz kesyukuran. Melihat anggota badannya yang masih sihat, berfungsi tanpa kesan suntikan atau tiada wayar yang berselirat adalah nikmat tak terhingga. Tak pernah terlantar juga anugerah, dan sungguh sudah lama dia lupakan hakihat yang satu ini, maut tak pernah memilih usia...betapa setiap hari maut semakin dekat dan betapa setiap hari semakin hampir malaikat Nya datang menjemput.

Andai kutahu

Kapan tiba ajalku

Ku akan memohon

Tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku

Andai kutahu

Kapan tiba masaku

Ku akan memohon

Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku

Aku takut Akan semua dosa-dosaku

Aku takut Dosa yang terus membayangiku

Andai kutahu Malaikat Mu kan menjemputku

Izinkan aku

Mengucapkan kata tobat pada Mu

Ampuni aku

Dari segala dosa dosaku

Ampuni aku

Menangisku bertobat pada Mu

Aku manusia

Yang takut neraka

Namun aku juga

Tak pantas di surga

-by purple-

Kedengaran hujan mencurah di luar, sayup – sayup azan isyak berkumandangan, memanggil yang mendengar agar segera menyerah diri kepada Nya. Bagai baru terjaga dari lena yang panjang, dia segera kembali ke lap top, mematikannya, dan langkah segera diatur menuju ke bilik air untuk mengambil wudu’. Bersedia untuk mendamba kasih
sayang dan ampun rahmat dari Nya.

Sungguh Tuhan, syukurku adalah milik Mu...

‘Every soul shall have a taste of death’ – the family of Imran 3:185

.::. The person in this article has passed away on the 15th of November, due to relapse of the cancer…

He never gets to finish his story.

May Allah bless his soul, offer him His forgiveness and grant him Janna
Ameen

thanks to sister in dunedin for the sharing

thanks to sister in germany for the reminders of qiam each time we chat.