cLOseR thaN VeiN

Life is full of the unexpected
Sometime I might see its coming
Sometimes I didn’t get the hints
Or I might notice but I pay no heed
But the purpose of each trial is to enhance my faith
Which it’s hardly increasing and easily decreasing
Remember of Allah only in the hard time
So fast to forget own purpose on earth

With all those challenges in life have made me learnt things
Have made me realized
That the most important thing in handling those pandemonium
To return to those beautiful teachings
The ones that once long I left behind
The magnificence of Koran and Sunnah
How could I simply put them aside
Then wondering why my life is so messy
Who am I kidding?

These trials are no more than reminders
Allah may want me to evaluate
My own state of iman
Allah may want me to realize how insufficient time I spent for Islam
The lack of contribution and participation
How most of my time I struggle just to fulfill my dunia’s life
Just to attain good grade
Just to please people
Just to look cool in the eye’s of mankind

Very little I think of how to make Him happy
Hardly awake just for His forgiveness in the middle of night
Rarely do I pray for my brothers and sisters in Palestine, Lebanon, Iraq, Iran, Turkey and Afghanistan
Only few words I said about my brothers and sisters in southern Thailand, in Philippine, Ambon and Acheh
Barely in my life have I contributed for the sake of my beloved religion
Shedding tears when remembering the hardship they’ve been through
Or trying to spend some of my money to ease their pain
How selfish I am
My bad….my sin, how could I’ve just walked away and kept my hands clean?

Thank God, alhamdulillah praises be to Allah
These trials had let me thought straight
Had made me realized how I badly need to detach myself from the chain of ignorance
Enough is enough; it’s the time for a turnover
He is the Lord with lots of bounties
Glory only for Him
Never had He let me without His guide
Never had He dumped me even I continuously become a sinner
Never had He closed the door of taubah until my last breath
He is the One who’s closer than my jugular vein (Qaf:16)

Ya Allah, please forgive your very sinful ‘abd
My hope is to be among the believers
In Your beautiful Janna
Never have I wished for Your hellfire
Neither Your anger

Indeed this soul longs for Your love and blessings

staNdinG fiRm in isLam...

“Ye are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in Allah. If only the People of the Book had faith, it were best for them: among them are some who have faith, but most of them are perverted transgressors- sadaq Allah Al-Azeem-God Almighty speaks the truth. Al-e-imran (the family of 'imran, the house of 'imran 3:110)

dia siap boleh baring kat riba mak. Malas nak baca, layan dengar je la mak bertilawah. Mak cakap dengar tilawah quran pun boleh dapat pahala, in order to make herself felt better, dia pun tadah telinga je la walau memang kepala dah berat tak ingat- crazily sleepy and extremely lazy, a norm in her daily life.

“pernah tak dengar citer serigala dengan kambing?”- mak tanya usai melipat telekung dan menggantung sejadah. Huh? Dah sampai bed-time story ke ni? Rase macam tak dinner lagi- dia menala pandang ke jam dinding, baru pukul 8. ayah kat masjid lagi, malam ni malam jumaat, terus ayah tunggu isya’ kat sane.

“common la mak citer tuh, ade a flock of sheep and a wolf. This wolf would really keen on preying those young fragile innocent lamb yang tengah meragut rumput. But they were in a big group, cammane ek nak kidnap satu buat meal? Fikir punya fikir our intelligent wolf then got an absolute brilliant idea. He would wait till the sheep scattered over the grass field-forming smaller groups. And he would further wait patiently till one of the smaller groups tore apart- tunggu sampai ade anak2 kambing yang tatau jalan, tersesat, diverted away from its parents. Nanti kalau that lamb tinggal seekor nanti, barulah that wolf would launch an attack a.k.a an ambush.” Mendongak memandang mama yang dah siap menyusun telekung di rak. Mak angguk. Errr, mak nak dengar lagi ke? Ish, bed-time story sape nih?

“time tuh, mane boleh lari lagi mak. By comparing the size pun one can tell, a small lamb would not stand a chance to protect itself from becoming a prey to the hunger and aggressive wolf. Kalau boleh lari, very lucky la, one very fortunate lamb. But generally based on the predator-prey nature, kalau serigala tu dah aimed skit punyer lama dengan penuh kesabaran dan istiqamah, mane nak kasik lepas macam tu je.”

‘then lets try to relate that story-the one that you just told to the real world scenario.” Finally mak decided to become the jury and asked a cepu emas question to her daughter yang merangkap peserta pertandingan bercerita pada malam jumaat itu.

Alamak, apekah? Urmmm sabar tangga kejayaan kut, ke usaha pasti jaya? Hurrmmm adekah value of the story is tak pandai bela kambing nanti kene makan serigala? Ish...............
“ok, time’s up. Kalau tunggu dia bagi jawapan alamat tak dinner la semua orang dalam rumah ni.”- along dari dapur sesedap rase menyindir.

“It’s simple, listen...kenapa kambing tu kene makan?” “sebab memang makanan serigala?” bagi soalan balik kat mak yang dengan itu kene pukulan mak kat bahu walau tak de la sakit sangat. “pandai la. Sebab dia sensorang kat kawasan yang sunyi, tak de orang lalu nak tolong dia kalau ade anything happened. Kenape dia sensorang?” Ok, this time she tried to come out with some kinda mature answer “because it separated from its clan, made its own way somehow” “then?” “Once it’s away, isolated, it automatically became an easy target. Vulnerable, no back up squad to lend a hand. Diverted from its usual grassing location, unfamiliar place to the poor lamb but a very well recognized by the wolf. The predator won technically and tactically. He got the strength and intelligence. Sekian, terima kasih.” Kepala ditundukkan ala2 bagi hormat at the end of the performance.

Sekarang turn mak pulak nak bagi critics, mak mula buat muka serious “ tu bukan sebarang cerita. Itu perumpaan peranan syaitan ke atas manusia.Sesungguhnya syaitan itu adalah serigala bagi manusia seperti serigala terhadap kambing. Ia menyerang kambing yang jauh dan memencilkan diri. Kena hindari berpecah belah, kena berjemaah, bersama orang ramai dan melazimkan diri dengan masjid.”

Ouch! guessed that she got mum’s point. It was so obvious mak tengah tegur dia yang malas pergi mengaji kat rumah tok mah plus penyegan nak ikut mak ke masjid time ada cermah. Kan dah terkena batang hidung sendiri. Macam bagus je cerita siap dengan gaya dan intonasi, tapi rupanya tengah kutuk diri sendiri...Congrats 100x-dialah the unfortunate hampeh lamb-sengaja jauh daripada jemaah, nak isolate kan diri, senang lenang tengok tv kat rumah. Rupa2nya dah jadi mangsa syaitan, yang berjaya menghasut diri supaya jadi pemalas tegar dalam amal ibadah. Ceh ceh.

Kepala ditunduk. “ye mak, got your point already. Clear as crystal. Tak mo dah ponteng2 mengaji, orang ikut la mak nanti bebila mak pi dengar ceramah.” Mata mak mencerun “jangan jadi macam kambing yang lain pulak.” huh? Tak faham. “jangan jadi macam kambing2 yang len yang survived from the attack. After the incident those sheep remained in a big group-sorta safety measure. But after awhile, they started to forget things. Mula meragut rumput merata-rata. Not really in a big clan but scattered forming smaller groups. At the end, the history repeated itself. Again another lamb would become a victim.”

“sebab ape?” dia geleng. “sebab bukan kambing yang disuruh beristiqamah dalam kumpulan (jemaah), bukan jugak kambing yang disuruh saling ingat mengingat antara satu kambing dengan yang lain.. That’s why they never learned, tend to forget and fell to the predator.”

Allah said: "Accepted is your prayer (O Moses and Aaron)! So stand ye straight, and follow not the path of those who know not." Jonah 10:89

"Therefore stand firm (in the straight Path) as thou art commanded,- thou and those who with thee turn (unto Allah); and transgress not (from the Path): for He seeth well all that ye do."Hud 11:112

ya Allah, my Lord. indeed it's so difficult for me to stand firm (istiqamah) in your deen.

"I will mislead them, and I will create in them false desires; I will order them to slit the ears of cattle, and to deface the (fair) nature created by Allah." Whoever, forsaking Allah, takes satan for a friend, hath of a surety suffered a loss that is manifest."An nisa’ 4:119

In an authentic hadith, it was reported by Imam At-Timithi that the prophet (S.A.W.) used to say frequently this supplication, "O Allah, The One who changes hearts, make my heart firm on your deen. "

"O our Lord, do not make our hearts go astray after you had guided us."

"O our Lord, bless us with patience and help make our feet firm."

amin

-the chronic inflammation of iman syndrome- hope not lead to necrosis, a'uzubillahi min dzalik-

taNya paDa diRi...

Tanya kat diri sendiri
Apa aku nak lagi
Suruh mengaji aku bilang busy
Ajak dengar tazkirah aku kata nak study
Bila time usrah aku cabut lari
Ada muhasabah aku geleng tak nak pergi

Aku bertanya diri
Aku nak ape lagi
Ade ta’lim aku cakap ‘sorry’
Ceramah agama aku buat tak peduli
Aku bilang tak cukup masa nak baca notes nanti

Rupa-rupanya aku goyang kaki

Bersenang lenang layan movie

Tanya lagi kat diri

sampai bile nak jadi macam ni
Bila time shopping aku galak sekali
Berhabis sakan tak sedar diri
Bergossip mengumpat aku tumpang sekaki

dosa pahala aku letak tepi

Aku bertanya diri
Apa-apalah yang aku nak lagi
Ke mall sampai berjuta kali
Tak pernah sangsi atau bilang rugi
Aku bagi alasan nak hilang tensi

Sekali beli menimbun tinggi

Aku bertanya diri
Ape sebab aku malas sangat ni
Dalam ibadah berdiam diri
Tukar bab lagha aku tak tunggu lagi
Ajak sekali aku nak lagi

permainan duniawi dekat di hati

Aku tanya kat diri
Apa aku tunggu lagi
Dah cukup ke amalan ni
Budget macam standard dah tinggi
kalah kat syaitan sampai macam tu sekali

Buat jahat dah jadi hobi

Tanya lagi kat diri
Dah sedia ke nak mengadap Ilahi
Dah teguh ke iman di hati
Dah berbakul ke amalan suci

Ape pulak nak bawak ke kubur nanti
Sampai aku derhaka begitu begini

Ape, aku dah tak ingat mati

Cuba tengok alam ini

Kira nikmat yang Tuhan kasi
Perati pada kebesaran Rabbi
Juga pada kerdilnya diri
Apesal aku tak berterima kasih lagi

Afala tasykuruuun……………………………….why are you not grateful??????????????

"And remember! your Lord caused to be declared (publicly): "If ye are grateful, I will add more (favours) unto you; But if ye show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed." - abraham, 14:07

Nak dEnGaR CeRita taK???

Nak dengar satu cerita tak?this is a story about a student and a tutor. cerita seorang tutor yang tabah dan sabar dengan seorang student yang telah hilang tahap kesabarannya a.k.a barada at the very critical level.

One morning, there was a bunch of students entered the lab for a practical session. After they had done the praujian and been given some ‘enlightenment’ by the respective lecturer, the session was taken over by the tutors which were also the senior-year students. Each of them for each group of students. However, “dan dan” there was a group without a tutor. Jeng...jeng...jeng... ok sorry for the sound. This is so not a mystic spine-chilling thriller full of suspense. Just a typical lame-story. Nak tak nak, the group had to be divided into 2: with each subgroup combined with other main groups. Now, the focus is on the leading character which was a student in one of the subgroups. Sila menggunakan own imagination untuk mengagambarkan keadaaan tersebut-sorry, no time for utube, heh.

maka mengeluh lah our leading character dengan aras kemarahan pada tahap yang membimbangkan. From anger to denial to disappointment and last but not least, depression. Ala2 5 phases towards death. The acceptance part will be at the end of the story. The leading character berasa bengang secara hyper sebab terpaksa la pulak bersesak-sesak listening to the explanation and the discussion. Memang kalau ikut hati kemalasan metastases secara berleluasa. Tapi nasib baik sempat fikir, “tak nak dengar konon, budget boleh draw ala2 Picasso la tuh? Nanti nak jawab ape dalam pascaujian?”

So dengar la dalam keadaan 132% tak rela dan ala2 merana. Mula nak buat perangai, tetengah that tutor khusyuk dan tawadduk bagi explanation, time tu la pulak nak sound tutor tuh to speak louder *boleh la buat macam tuh, mentang2 la student yang jadik tutor*, “maaf, bisa bicaranya kuat dikit?” uik, boleh pulak terkeluar ayat yang dikira agak bersopan santun. “oo, ngak keras yang mbak”...erk..”ya2, ngak keras, ngak kedengaran.” Dengan sabar sebahagian daripada iman itulah that tutor repeated each of his words yang sememangnya if the same thing happened to the leading character, nescaya mengamuk tak nak dah jadi tutor for the practical session in her entire life.

Bukan takat tu aje, that tutor even showed the slide for each specimen under the microscope for every single of his student...and again dengan penuh kesabaran dan ketekunan, together with the details for the observations and the elements needed when drawing the specimens. satu2 dia tunjukkan, even kalau ade yang buat are-u-talking-to-me face pun dia akan tegur, bertanya faham atau tak, which part that the student did get before repeated it all over again.

He also gave them some precious tips *or hints?* for the pascaujian (ok2, the word is post-test). Eventually, at the end of the session, budak yang down semacam tuh pun got a super expensive lesson. S.A.B.A.R.-as promised, this is the acceptance part for sure.

Today’s lessons:

Sabarlah atas setiap yang berlaku. Pasti ada hikmahnya. Don’t run an amok tak menentu pasal. Lesson number 1: be productive never reactive (as long as you are not classified as a radioactive substance, jangan nak reactive memandai-mandai sesuka suku di mana jua berada).

Compare these situations, which one is the most unfortunate person: the student yang terpaksa bersesak-sesak listening to the explanation and Alhamdulillah at the end she got the points of the discussion (kalau tak banyak sikt) or the tutor yang out of the blue had to secara sukapasrahnya menerima new population of emigrants into that already-big group of students. Kene plak buat siaran ulangan for each point. Tak mengamuk pun...sabar je. That student pulak, takat tutor tak datang pun dah gelabah, emo-hampagas student. Bukan kene suruh menoreh getah pun, takat observe the specimen under the microscope pun dah nak bukak silat bile tutor was absent. Lesson number 2: be grateful.

Lesson number 3: carik lah sendiri.............................................sekian terima kasih

Sekian dulu cerita pada minggu ini. Harap saya mempelajari sesuatu daripada cerita ini.
Mari tutup sesi story-telling ini dengar doa:

"O Allah! I seek Your forgiveness for that which I sought your repentance but to which I subsequently returned; I seek Your forgiveness from that which I rendered to You from my self, but then, I was not able to maintain faithfully; and, I seek Your forgiveness from that by which I claimed I desired your Face but my heart became corrupted with that which I did."

P/s: a friend bombarded me questions, among them was: “eh, semua cerita ni based on true story ke?”, then my answer was, “Banyak la true story. What, do you think this is my personal diary? Sorry mori naik lorry. Tak main la nak bukak hikayat sendiri kat dalam blog. Accessible pulak tu kat semua”-*rolled eyes*

hati iBaRat CeRmiN...

“hati ibarat cermin, pernah dengar tak?”mata mencerun memandang kak dian yang kebetulan memandang tepat ke anak mata. Tetiba rase macam nak gelak guling2. ape hal la kakakku sorang ni, jiwang mode out of the sudden. Hilang rasa ngantuk kejap. Kalau tak memang tiap kali kak dian bukak mulut je, automatically dia switched into sleep and hibernate mode.memangla satan and its collections of hampagas ways in deteriorating Muslim’s focus in deepening Islam.

Tapi bile tengok kak dian macam tak de gaya nak buat lawak pun pepetang sabtu yang mulia tu, terus je senyum meleret yang baru nak masuk laughing state terenti. Ok, she knew that face, kak dian kalau dah buat muka serious camtu meant business.mesti ade something important yang nak dia sampaikan. Rewind...rewind, tahan diri dari senyum, muka, transform la jadi serious, plus she hoped that her facial expression biarla nampak macam ala2 berminat dengan pepatah baru dari kak dian yang baru je dia dengar tak sampai 1 minute tuh.

“tak pernah dengar pun kak...” akhirnya tu je la yang terkeluar dari mulut dia. Mata dihala memandang kak dian. Fuh, nasib baik kak dian senyum je...before saying, “what I meant is...our attitude is a reflection of our heart. Gotta handle it with care. Macam jaga cermin, tak kisah la windshield ke, cermin tingkap ke, cermin kat bilik ke kalau tak bersihkan selalu kan nanti berabuk. Pastu kalau takat cuci tingkap setahun skali time raya je, alamakatak la, kene tonyoh sehabis daya dengan penuh semangat kesukanan jawabnya. Jenuh nak hilangkan segala macam yang melekat kat cermin tuh.” Kak dian berenti sekejap, menghela nafas dan memandang dia with a faham-tak-ni- stare.

Dan dia cepat2 angguk,sambil dalam hati berdoa, “fuh...fuh, hilanglah rasa mengantuk ni”. “dan lagi nak handle hati ni jangan dengan cara kasar, people are easy to get hurt. And the scar might last forever. Again, the concept is like handling a piece of glass. Kang tak take care carefully boleh pecah. Nak tegur orang kene berhemah, tak boleh budget bagus, pastu lesser sane sini sesuka siku. Tak boleh tunjukkan kebenaran by underestimating others. Example: tak boleh la nak cakap, “eh ko salah la.” Because for certain people the way they hear you is, “eh, aku la yang betul.” Mane orang nak dengar. Lagi buat orang menyampah, makan hati dengan kita.” Kak dian berenti jap.

“Cermin itu kalau lama ngak dicuci, pastinya akan kotor dan berdebu. Sama juga sih, kayaknya hati manusia. Kalau ngak selalu dicuci nanti bisa gelap, hitam.terus lagi susah mau nyucinya...” hoho, speaking indon la pulak kakakku sorang ni. Sinetron intoxicated.

otak berpikir sekejap. Trying to digest her statements word by word. Profound meaning kak dian had here. Nampak macam jiwang rupanya sangatlah menginsafkan. Tu la tak baik berburuk sangka kat kak dian, kan dah malu sendiri. Dia terus mendengar kata2 kak dian.

“coba dilihat waktu musim panas, kemarau. Debu sama kotoran melekat pada cermin. Kalau ngak dibersihin setiap hari, pasti nanti sukar sekali mau dibersihin tompokan debu pada cermin itu. Hati manusia juga kalau ngak dibersihin setiap hari lumayan susah nanti” Erk...calling for cadet dian. Sila kembali ke dunia nyata, wut’s with the sinetron slang?

“tapi mbak, gimana sih kalau ada yang ngomong, “meskipun saya pakainya kayak gini, tapi itu bukan bermakna saya jahat sih?”” ops, adekah ini another branch of communicable disease? Apesal dia plak pegi tanya dalam Indonesian slang?

Tetiba je semua orang dalam group tu ketawa. Uik, was her that funny? Ceh...ceh. kak dian takat senyum je la, masih tersisa tawa “ ape yang kita buat represent ape yang kita fikir, our mentality and ideology. Contradict la kalau cakap lain, buat lain. Tak de synchronization and coordination between the mind, the way we think and the action, the way we do thing. Kan tak best cenggitu? Action must always based on our on principle that we uphold in life. We can’t say a thing yet do another thing.

Nak jadi baik mesti mula dari dalam, bukak hati supaya senang hidayah nak masuk. Hidayah itu cahaya, nur. Remember the theory of light? Light travels in a straight line, and bounces off a mirror much like a ball bouncing off a wall. If the light hits a solid object, cahaya tak boleh nak pass through, actually only a very small proportion will get through while majority will be reflected. Kalau tutup hati dari terima hidayah, tak dapatla nak masuk. hati yang menerima hidayah akan menyinar, again back to the theory, when light passes through a very narrow opening, it can spread out.

Insya Allah kalau try buka hati untuk terima hidayah even sedikit, pasti akan terkesan jugak. cahaya yang menyinar akan dapat diperati dari tingkah laku dan keelokan budi pekerti. Bukan takat akhlak dan adab sopan, juga dari segi pakaian dan pergaulan. Tak kan la nak cakap, “saya adalah sorang budak perempuan yang baik lagi berbudi pekerti mulia dan terpuji,” tapi dan dan cara cakap dengan lelaki tak jaga, pandangan tak terpelihara, pakaian pulak main pukul rata.”

Gulp, apesal dia terasa-rasa ni? Tak sebut nama dia pun? “apesal diam?” huh? “takde pape, terasa lak bile akak cakap macam tu, heh. Tengah introspecting diri”- aka muhasabah diri.

“okeh, ade pape soalan ke, or problem before we end up the discussion for now?” err... “macam mane plak dengan orang tak boleh nak control his anger?” tersebut la pulak soalan yang patutnya ade dalam hati je. Kak dian merenung dia, sangat keibuan dan penuh kasih sayang, ni yang sayang kak dian lebih ni.

“yang tu kene tanya diri sendiri. Kekadang marah tu just an expression in order to protect our tone-down ego. Defensive, bile ego sendirik tercalar, tak puas hati bile cakap kita dibangkang, intimidated when no one hears us or support our idea. Rase idea dah mantap, but still orang rase hesitant dengan kita. So in order to make them hear you, or make them to understand, kadang 2 tak sedar pun dah tertinggi suara, cakap pun dah tak lunak, hilang sopan, hilang hikmah gak. At the end, tak de gaya muslimah harapan negara pun, hehe. Apetah lagi nak tunjukkan to the non Muslims the beauty of Islam. Bet that the non Muslims won’t be impressed with our emo- non-professional behavior, rite?”

Dalam hati sekadar mengiyakan. Try to recall cara dia behave depan non Muslims, even the Muslims. “Tunjukkan good example pun salah satu cara nak berdakwah gak. Bagi akak tiap kali rasa nak marah kene ingatkan diri sendiri, cenggini ke yang nak ditunjuk kat orang lain. Nanti takut orang dapat bad impression plak kat islam.”................

p/s: a friend of mine answered, “each time when I got mad, I’ve gotta choose, the hell or the hatred in me. Then definitely, any normal human bein will choose not to be in hell. So kene sacrifice la skit rasa marah tu, terpaksalah belajar nak tundukkan skit ego. I dun wanna hear people saying, “Hey, look. She is the one with the ego, the size of texas”daa?

It definitely was not a compliment, rite?

sOmetHiNg bOut 1%

Petang yang nyaman, ditambah pulak kalau dapat bersenang-lenang depan tv. Kuih pun dah tersedia kat depan mata. Rumah tengah kosong, after having lunch lagi sumer kuar beraya, visiting sedara mara. Tetiba rase nak tersengih, mau dia kene declare bankrupt melayan bebudak ni.Tergelak mengingat gelagat anak2 buah yang sumernye kecik2. tengah membesar, banyak la ragamnya. Bila nak kasik duit raya, bukan main excited, hai...anak sedara sape la ni. Very much materialistic, just exactly like their emak sedara.

Pepagi lagi dah tunggu kat depan pintu bilik, “ibu suruh cium tangan mak cik irah, ibu cakap hari raya kene mintak maaf kat sumer orang.” Sounds very much innocent and sincere, right? But wait till the next sentence, it really killed you right on the dot and destroyed the serenity and tranquility of the raya morning. “mak cik irah tak nak kasik duit raya ke?” dengan ala2 confident plus buat la muka comel sikit so that their mak cik irah would pity them more and gave them extra duit raya. Then, after that she gotta do some sort of checklist, ni ade tak memane anak sedara yang dia tak kasi lagi duit raya.

Kalau ade yang dia rase tak dapat lagi, kene panggil takut lupa pulak nak kasik, “sape nama zaid angkat tangan” “yup, that’s me,” anak kecil itu dipandang berlari-lari anak went to her direction, dengan baju melayunye siap bersongkok, bersamping bagai, dengan satu tangan pegang pedang and another one pegang pistol air, dengan mulut penuh almond London, cute. But it doesn’t mean when you are cuter, you can get more money than your other cousins.

Later that nite, spent some more time with her other anak sedara, watching tv, huha-huha, merepek2, melepak and then there came the pop, top, hot topic........the typical chintan chintun the movie. It started with, “ape watching chick flip movie ni, hampagas betula. Tukar la yang thrill sikit, jiwang la anis ni.” Sambil cakap, sambil duduk kat sebelah anis sambil makan the remaining pieces of kek lapis sarawak. Jimat masa and it just proved how multi-tasking she is. Congrats kat diri sendiri.

“tak senonoh la mak cik irah ni,” “ececey, senonoh la sangat dia. So, what’s up? With all the lovey-dovey movies and the pink color bunga-bungi theme for the raya, are my anak sedara terjatuh minat?” jeng3x the beginning of the interrogation session sambil angkat kening, confident habis. And it appeared that denial is a worst place to live in.............., finally the secret revealed.

“apesal mak cik terkedu ni?” Must admit, diorang dah besar. But this world is so deceitful, love and lust. What makes them different from 1 another? “mak cik tak suka ek? Orang minat je la, tak couple pun” ermmmm, camne ek nak jawab????

“tak la, mane main marah2 ni. It’s just listening from you those kinda story reminds me betapa dah besar panjang budak sorang ni. Buat mak cik wondering, ade ke any contribution yang mak cik bagi in educating you to become a decent lady?”

mata menghala pada anis, “I have a story for you, tapi bukan pasal apple, it’s about a silver needle, interested?” anis takat membalas pandangannya, kening dikerut. Perhaps wondering, ape kene la mak cik dia sorang tetengah malam buta ni?

“In our life we’ll meet lots of people from different backgrounds, living styles and attitudes. They are so many till often we lose count of them. They come into and go away from our life over the time. We may or may not see them again. All the time we pray hard to meet the person again but we never did. Forever we wanna find a way to simply get away from certain people but we often failed.

Then, if it’s so…how in heaven’s name that we are gonna get to know who’s the one for us. There’s something about 1%.... that determines everything. Combination of fate and destiny that leads to a relationship between a man and a woman, a boy and a girl. The 1% that ensure that they are meant for each other, for one union eternally, for a marriage…”
berdehem couples of time, nak tune to the right mood nak buat story telling, another bed time story from her aunt, dalam hati berdoa sungguh2 agar anis learn something from it.

“Finding the right person is like dropping a small, tiny silver needle into a yard which is filled with mountains of dried grasses. Often we lose our hope to find the needle as there is no way that we might get it back. It’s too tiny, the area is too large and lots of the grasses every here and there. The surrounding looks similar, no sign neither clue that might come in handy. The hope is great even it is frail. With hopes, we discover every possible inch of the yard, looking for it, wasting our precious time, just for a needle. Because we still believe that by hook or by crook, sooner or later we’ll find it back, even the chance is only 1%.

What I wanna say is, sometimes we try our best to win somebody else’s future wife’s or husband’s heart. Why we did that? Perhaps, we never believe that our other half is part of His plan for us. So, we make our own plan – the self-destructing one. Seeing a girl, flirting with her, attracted to her, working hard to beat all other competitors, struggling to win her heart, showing off how sexy, pretty and hot she is to the fellows, smug whenever they compliment your chick, holding hands, going out for dates, get closer to a close-proximity or even fornication…but then at the end of the story…………
“Cis, cammane boleh terkawin dengan orang lain ni?”-ouch, the mystery remains unsolved, get it?”

anis takat gelak, “yup, aye aye captain. Crystal. Wear less doesn’t mean than u’ll gain more. You always remind me that I’m not supposed to be everybody’s girlfriend but somebody’s wife. Gotta behave myself. Should always be careful as crazy things people do for lust, not love. In relationship, we’ve gotta know the rules that can only guess for the outcomes. An evil man will always find a way to be on your bed while a good man will always find a way to get to your heart. Same goes for men, a bad chick will always after u for ur money and look while a decent lady will always have a place in ur heart...1% that differentiates the right one from somebody else, betul tak mak cik?” dia menghela nafas lega, tersenyum pada anak sedara yang seorang ni.

“mestila betul. I’m a good teacher, right?”

jodoh pertemuan di tangan Allah, the pen is lifted. The ink is dried. Ape yang kita ade sekarang tak tentu jadi hak milik kita nanti. Lupa padaNya buat kita lupa pada ketentuanNya. Ape yang kita nampak kecil is capable to make a turn over in our life, itulah Qada’ dan QadarNya...HIS decree and predestination...for each of us in this world.

as LOnG as U dON't stOp...

“Udah lama mbak ngak ke mari,” he...tak reti nak buat muka dengan gaya macam mane. Tu la...padan muka kat diri sendiri, sampai kene tegur dengan ibu yang ngajar Quran. Buat2 busy lagi. Since coming back from semester break tak tunjuk2 muka kat ibu. Tapi, macam terharu bila fikir yang dia baru je joining the pengajian for less that a year but that ibu is able to remember her face. Betulla orang cakap, orang yang hati bersih dan alim2 ni ingatan dia kuat.

But then, bila fikir balik dia bukanlah dari stock2 yang selalu pergi dengar ceramah. Bukan jugak time kecik2 dulu selalu dengan riang rianya ikut parents ke masjid or wut not. Cumanya bila dah duduk kat sekolah agama time secondary school dulu baru la mula kerah dan marah diri, suruh rajin2 la bersihkan hati dengan benda2 macam ni and the confession: memang susah nak buat.

Thousands of excuses could be created when she got lazy. Nak tido la, malas la, tak makan lagi la tapi dia tak pernah la guna excuse nak study. It’s indeed absospookylutely one lame excuse la kalau nak apply in her context yang time tu macam kanak2 ribena lagi, asyik fikir nak main, tido and watching tv. So, if she ever came with that hampagas excuse alamakataklah tak de sape yang nak percaya.

Tapi manusia. Over the time, one should be getting more matured. Tak kan selama2nya tak teringin nak ikut fitrah. Tak kan la never on earth crossed her mind the idea to deepen her study dalam hal2 agama dan ibadah tak pun akidah.

It doesn’t need even a quarter of her brain to deduce yang bukanla dengan berhuha-huha aje yang diperlukan untuk selamat kat dunia and the hereafter. An empty heart should be filled with Islamic thoughts and teachings tapi nak tau macam mane Islamic teaching kalau dah 24/7 tak nak spare some time listening and reading all the Islamic stuff?

Bila dah ader rase nak change for good dia tried to fulfill the resolution. Even most of the time struggling, juggling nak manage time. Mane nak beramal, mane nak study, memang tak reti. Tapi cuba jugak jadi persistent. Walau kekadang terdengar ade suara2 menggertak kalau tak focus on study alone kang tak pass exam atau bile tetiba rase nak mengeluh, down semacam sebab tak habis study or tak siap lagi homework tapi kene pi dengar ceramah.

She should’ve changed her mind setting, pasal dah tua, should get the point yang all the religious activities yang dia participated seinci pun tak pernah lower her grade or stealing her study time. Tu sumer merely rumor yang sangatlah groundless. Mula belajar terima hakikat yang kalau her marks were not at the satisfying level, it was herself to be blamed. Yang malas nak study since the very beginning, bukannya dengan sesuka-suki salahkan benda2 yang enable her to be a good muslimah.

But definitely the changes were not in a drastic way. Pape pun she should thank everyone in her life that led her to the right direction, she should appreciate each experience that she attained during her adolescence. Semuanya very much worth it in teaching her the beautiful meaning of life. The beautiful life is the blessed one, yang diberkati dan penuh ketenangan. That’s her first crucial lesson in life, leading her to some others yang totally beneficial.

"Don’t tell your problems to people: 80% don’t care about them and 20% are glad you have them."- It sounds sarcastic but yeah that’s life………………for those materialists. But for the Muslims...

“...Help ye one another in righteousness and piety, but help ye not one another in sin and rancor: fear Allah: for Allah is strict in punishment.” – al Maida 5:2

“The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practise regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.” – at Tawba 9:71.

Dia bersyukur, lahir sebagai muslim. Sentiasa dinasihati, ditunjuk ajar, diberikan kesempatan untuk berubah, dididik dan diasuh dalam linkungan yang baik. Oleh golongan yang terpilih. Kadang2 terfikir, if all these people were unpredictably selfish and refused to spend their time on da’wah (enjoining good and forbidding evil), would she be exactly like the way she is right now. It could be. It’s Allah’s will, no one knows. But under the normal circumstance, it would be unlikely…..

By then she knew that others already did something under the name of Islam. Sedangkan dia, nak suruh pergi dengar ceramah pun susah. Bile buat self-reflect, rasa macam ntah pape. Banyak lagi yang nak kene buat and at the same time, life is getting shorter...and shorter each year.


Take your time to contemplate on the journey that you have walked so far………………
It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you don’t stop…

Ya Allah, Kamulah Tuhan yang sangat suka mengampun, ampunkanlah dosa-dosa saya).

a GaL LikE heR...

Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils) – al Isra’

Sadaqallahul azim. Allah says the truth. Perlahan holly Koran itu ditutup dan tangan diangkat, putting al kitab on the side table next to her bed. Sebelah tangan lagi laju membuka ikatan telekung at the back of her head. Termenung memikirkan verse yang baru dibaca. Telekung dilipat kemas dan kaki berjalan menuju ke tingkap. One beautiful Sunday morning. Calm, peaceful and tranquil atmosphere. Yeah, another gift from Him to His creatures. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the world (alhamdulillahi rabbil ‘alamin), Allah is the greatest (Allahu akbar) and glory be to Allah (subhanallah).

Pandangan ditala pada kawanan burung yang terbang dan berkicauan. Tetiba teringat time a level. Heh, tersenyum sendiri. Tak sangka dah besar panjang, tak sangka jugak dah dewasa aka matured enough to think and to spill some words of wisdom kat kengkawan se-a level. Dan tak sangka jugak dah ade kawan jumped into a marriage. Tu semua kisah a level. Kisah yang tak seberapa panjang in proportion to her whole life but the period was long enough to make her understood the importance of friendship, a continuity to her comprehension since her secondary school. Masih sama, padanya kawan masih lagi seorang yang akan protect her friends from any danger not only in here but in the hereafter. Bukan takat berhuha-huha sesedap oren, gossiping every now and then, nak tau ni bf sape, sape minat kat sape or what top pop shows now on tv tapi kawan jugaklah yang bertanggungjawab bagi nasihat, kejutkan solat, ajak posa reramai dan jadi role-model untuk dia bangun solat malam.

Tapi tu time secondary school, phase of fully absorbing all the theories of friendship. Tak put the idea into practice lagi sebab dia yang paling nakal dan dia la yang paling banyak terima nasihat. Thanks to all her friends. And some more, itu masa kat sekolah agama, sekolah yang jarang ade social problems especially between the opposite genders, yang dah diajar since the very beginning the limitation in socializing dengan bebudak laki and the essential of covering the aurah and lowering the gaze. Yang rase secure je kalau tertido dekat waktu solat sebab ade je yang nak tolong kejutkan.

Confession: Memang naik pelik kene cultural shock, the first time she made her baby steps into new world. Weird feeling each time she saw the way boys and girls greeting, talking to one another. Rase macam baru sampai dari andromeda galaxy, everything so strange up to the point where she felt like “rerasa jpa marah tak kalau mintak nak buat a level back at her secondary school je.”

Heh, tapi sebab dah besar dan tak payah IQ up to 180 to know yang jpa takkan accept that one lame excuse jadi dia teruskan jugak la study kat situ. Dan mula belajar to put all the theories into practice, walau payah, tak larat, penat, malas. Dah kene fikir bebetul mane yang baik dan yang buruk. Dah tak de orang yang voluntarily nak bagitau. Dah tak de batch mates yang sibuk nak ambik tau kalau buat silap, dah tak de seniors yang nak ingatkan to keep the distance from this mushy-lovey-dovey creepy story of boys and girls. Kene aware sendiri time solat, dah tak de orang yang nak kejutkan bangun solat berjemaah reramai bile masuk je waktu. Gotta grow up mentally and spiritually. Dah tak boleh take things for granted and it’s definite.

A level-year indeed a big challenge to her mind and her soul. Dulu tak payah nak fikir sangat masalah couple2 ni sebab seniors kan ade, biar diorang yang advise bebudak ni, or others in her batch might lend hands as well to this matter.

Sekarang tak. Semua kene buat sendirian berhad. Belajar erti dakwah yang sebenar. Memang tak reti tapi kene gagahkan jugak. Walau memula malas nak ambik tau pasal gossips tapi lelama kene tau jugak, takut kalau gossips become reality maka kene la bertanggungjawab bagi nasihat supaya jaga hubungan. Jangan terlebih manis sebelum nikah. Belajar dan mengajar diri supaya jangan nak mematchmaking a.k.a gossiping kan anak dara dan teruna orang sesuka-suki takut lebih banyak fitnah, dosa dan maksiat. Takut jadi terlebih rapat orang yang digossip, sendiri tak tertanggung dosa and run out of pahala.

Dan belajar serta mengajar diri menjadi pemberi nasihat aka social psychologist aka public relation officer dalam bab2 yang dia sendiri pun tak berani nak venture tapi taram je bukak mulut sebab takut tak bagi nasihat jadi benda lain pulak.

Tergelak kecil sensorang tepi tingkap. Among the advices given was in promoting marriage to young couples. Kelakar sebab budget bagus je suruh orang kawin but indeed she was serious and always serious, regardless of the sayings, “jangan gunakan alasan agama untuk kawin, sebab niat nak cegah dosa tapi kalau dah tak completely prepared mentally, physically and spiritually nanti buat tambah dosa je lepas kawin.”

It’s true. Tapi macam mane nak cure orang yang tengah intoxicated dengan cinta jiwa raga bakul ni semua? Prevention hanya bagi orang yang tak penah involved dengan benda pelik2 ni tapi kalau dah termasuk dalam zone kehampagasan, susah nak tarik keluar melainkan dengan offering alternative which is “get married first before nak bawak anak dara orang ke hulu ke hilir.”

Yang penting, semua kene ambik responsibility. Jangan nak bab gossiping excellent, nak enjoining good and forbidding evil, bagi nasihat...penyegan. tapi bile things get worst, pandai pulak mengumpat dan menunding jari siap dengan geleng kepala.

“dah kawin ni kene la beringat, it’s like you are stealing some body’s son. Tak boleh nak buat bodo je. Get married to the son, buat dunno to the mum. Tak baik, jangan buat mertua sendirik terasa. takut dia rase kecik hati ko dah la ambik anak dia dari dia then tak nak pulak berbaik-baik dengan dia. Selalu2 la call her. Make her feels needed, wanted and accepted in your life. Make her feels the importance of her presence, how significant she is dan jangan memandai-mandai nak buat dia rase tersisih, terpinggir.”

Huh, sampai sekarang she got no idea, how in the world the words could simply come out from her mouth. Unpredictable sungguh mulut ni...

Happy Ramadan al mubarak to all Moslems around the world.

“O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint,” – al Baqara (the cow) 2:183

fROm tHis mOmENt...

Hidup…telah lama ditempuhnya.
Walau mungkin bukan dalam perkiraan masa yang panjang
Tapi sudah mampu mengajarnya bersyukur
Tanda betapa dia menghargai segala miliknya,
tanda berpenat lelah mencuba memadai dengan yang ada
Menghakis segala perasaan iri mahupun dengki
Sedaya mungkin gembira pada kurniaan Ilahi

Walau kadang ternyata gagal
Walau kadang ternyata pedih menghiris
Walau kadang terasa disisih
Walau kadang ternyata bisa kecundang
Namun ditahan hati daripada mengeluh
Tak bisa merestui ungkapan amarah dan kecewa yang mengeruh
Mencuba seadanya mengawal yang terdaya

Hati
Betapa mudah diperkotak katikkan
Betapa longgar kedudukan iman
Betapa berpengaruh bisikan syaitan
Betapa hina dipalit dosa yang menghancurkan
Betapa tak bisa bangun dalam malap tanpa cahaya dan sebuah pengharapan

Sungguh betapa hidup membuatnya tersenyum
Betapa duka membuatnya tabah dan berserah
Betapa kasih sayang buatnya mengenal erti sebuah pengorbanan
Betapa Ilahi tunjukinya jalan
Betapa dia cuba untuk bertatih mengadap Nya
Walau ketara ranjau penuh berduri di kiri dan kanan
Walau ternyata penderitaan berpanjangan

Namun, demi mengingat segala nikmat
Demi sedar akan kasih yag tersemat
Demi pengorbanan yang tak bisa dilihat
Membuatnya sedar akan erti sebuah kehidupan
Yang penuh kedhaifan tanpa keredhaan Mu, ya Tuhan

Sungguh tak bisa dimengertikan
Betapa dalam cinta yang lahir
Betapa agung kasih yang zahir
Tanpa menyerah dan mengabdi diri
Bukan kepada yang lain tapi hanya pada Nya

Selamat hari lahir pada diri sendiri......
Thank you Allah for letting me
Live the world .Breath the air. Feel the warmth of ur love and the sweetness of iman.

090907:0714

"....My Lord! grant me that I may give thanks for Thy favor which Thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may do good which pleases Thee and do good to me in respect of my offspring; surely I turn to Thee, and surely I am of those who submit" - al Ahqaf 46:15

bLuR...

Blur... really x 10 to da power of wutsoever. Time2 blur ni la rase macam summer sifat mazmumah (wickedness) are breaking their dormancy and actively making their way from latent state into lytic cycle (from ground state to excited state? - tu rase dah macam gune physics terms) Dunno. Rasa nak marahlah, stressed up dan ntahpapantah lagi.

“Jika engkau tak menyibukkan diri dengan kebenaran,maka dirimu akan disibukkan dengan yang batil” - Imam Syafi’ie.

Ouch, that hurts.
Memang pun da whole weekend asyik busy memanjang, busy pasal dunia and da consequences of da marathon-mengejar-dunia thingy : severe headache and extreme depression, not to mention lack of sleep and of course ibadah. Tetiba macam suffered from emotional damage. Down semacam. Rase tersisihla, tak dihargailah, terpinggir la and bla..bla..bla..sumer sibuk. Tak de mase for each other. Terlupa nak mengingatiNYA jugak. Paling hampagas, terabai amal maaruf nahi mungkar (Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil) dalam menyibukkan diri dengan hal dunia.

"And let there be (arising) from you a nation inviting to (all that is) good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, and those will be the successful." (3:104)

Those above are the feelings for today and the mode selected: dun mess with me or get killed. Okeh, sounds so sadistic. Tak, sebab bile bad mood mesti rasa macam nak marah. So, before anyone gets snapped better keeps da distance. Prevention is always better than cure.

And da best therapy is always from Allah. Bile rasa dah tak tenteram sangat to high heaven barula teringat nak solat sunatla (sunnah/ optional prayer), nak tilawah Quran la (recitation of holy Quran), nak doa bebanyak la, nak infaqlah (giving in da way of Allah),

“You will not attain true goodness until you give of what you love and whatever ye give, of a truth Allah knoweth it well.” (Al ‘Imran, 3:92)

dan lain2 lagi yang sama species dengannnya. It’s His promise: nak cari solace, find and seek for it only from Him. Insya Allah, (God’s will) He will grant u peacefulness and calmness sooner or later. By hook or by crook.

“Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!” – ar Ra’d (the thunder) 13:28

Makanya here she is. In da middle of campus mosque, wearing her telekong ingat nak buat solat sunat dhuha (prayer of da period between sunrise and noon). Performing prayer and praying hard are the most beautiful things to do when the alarm is ringing, making her alert that the iman-threatening species is in da house damaging the faith system!

Tengah solat, tetiba telekung is reluctant to cooperate effectively with her. Longgar plak, but then can’t blame da telekung. (Expected. It’s not mine anyway. Masjid punye). Bile ruku’ ke, sujud ke, telekung tu tertarik ke depan dan ke depan and the end result is she exactly looks like an alien from Pluto stranded sum where in Honolulu. Tak nampak muka dah, tertutup dengan telekong.

Memang bile rasa terasing dan tak dipeduli, do go and tell ur Lord bout it. He will always have ways to make u feel better. Tetiba je time duduk antara 2 sujud ade plak rase tangan tolong tarikkan telekung ke belakang, betulkan tali yang terikat kat belakang telekung. Frankly speaking tadi confirmed rasa macam unwanted, unneeded, being neglected and abandoned, tak dipedulikan, emptiness.

Alih2 rasa macam ade jugak orang yang nak ambik berat kat diri. Tak sangka pulak ada orang teperasan problem between her and the telekung. Rase gembira kat diri sendiri sebab rasa macam ade je orang yang concern kat diri ni dan disayangi - walaupun hanya dengan membetulkan telekung yang took less than 1 minute exactly. “seminit sentuhan lebih bermakna daripada 5 minutes kata2?”- guess so.

Kuar je dari masjid, lebih bersemagat. Mood alteration to the positive one. Really wanna thank Him for the changes, thanks to whoever sis yang berjasa sangat tolong betulkan telekung. Dah boleh senyum dah. Dah tak bad mood lagi. Tu la agaknya yang orang cakap
“Sum times the reason of ur smiles is the least expected...”

p/s : some said, a human related to others via emotion, not merely based on intellectuality. Spiritual and belief are part of emotion (personal opinion not based on scientific or wut not). Sum times we do feel lonely, unappreciated, pretty mess every here and there, every now and then. Just remember, manusia lupa kat kite, abaikan kite ntah2 sebab kite sendiri pun dah lupa padaNYA. Terlebih bersuka-suki, intoxicated dengan keseronokkan dunia dan being totally deceived dengan cinta manusia yang tak habis2 dan bergelak ketawa tak sudah2.

But thank Allah for providing a beautiful, special form of negative feedback mechanism. Bile dah terlebih huha2, dan2 rase sedih tak tentu pasal. Emo la pulak. Tapi time vulnerable state tu barula rase nak rethink and recollect diri sendiri, nak buat muhasabah (self-critics) bebanyak, feeling guilty and regretting own sins, nak ingat Allah frequently.

Allah al Mighty. This is not merely about the physiology of human body which keeps the balance of the internal environment. It’s more toward spirituality. The negative feedback here keeps oneself on da rite track, helps to abide by holy Koran and the tradition of prophet (pbuh), assists in correcting the erroneous parts and improving the weak points- to fix things up, leading humans to HIM with guilt, shyness and modesty (haya) are the parameters. Just dun lose them, sebab nanti buat dosa banyak pun dah tak rase pape.

Narrated by Abu Huraira (ra): The Prophet said, "Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And Haya (This term "Haya" covers a large number of concepts which are to be taken together; amongst them are self respect, modesty, bashfulness, and scruple, etc.) is a part of faith." (Bukhari)

Our Prophet (saw) said: "Haya does not bring anything except good." (Bukhari)

"Haya comes from eeman; eeman leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire." (Bukhari)

aNaK keCiL itU...

“mak cik irah, nak tanya skit. Cikgu fikri cakap kat school yang we da Muslims tak bole ikut cara orang non Muslims, betul tak?”

dia yang baru je selesai breakfast and intended to read da newspaper dengan perlahan put it back on da dining table.

“yup dear,” jawabnya ringkas sambil merenung fikri. “it means yang kite pun tak boleh la nak kawin dengan diorang,” “again, u are rite young man.” Dia mengangguk. Mata masih memerhati fikri yang sibuk berfikir sambil mengerutkan kening.

“Fikri, now tell ur mak cik irah wut’s in ur mind, darling?” “tapi mak cik irah, apsal pulak tak boleh?” kali ni pandangan mata fikri jatuh tepat ke dalam anak matanya. Ok, now is da rite time for sum revelation on da 11 and ½ year-old school boy, a very heavy topic but in a pretty relaxing atmosphere of Sunday morning.

Orait, first clear da throat. “meh sini sit next to mak cik on da couch.” Daniel fikri dilihat perlahan turun dari seat di dining hall terus ambil tempat di sebelahnya. “ memula mak cik nak tanya fikri, wut do u understand bout marriage?” “ermmm, just like mak and ayah.” “ ok, if mak and ayah quarreling, fighting with one another, fikri suke tak?” “tak, fikri tak suke tengok orang gaduh. Fikri takut, nanti fikri nangis,” anak kecik itu mencebik sambil menggeleng kepala.

“That’s why tak boleh kawin orang yang different religion dengan kite. Kite tak nak nanti diorang fighting, quarreling sebab different ideology on how to run the life. Nanti tak pepasal their children plak will get da consequences, like wut u were saying just now. Takut nanti anak2 diorang rase takut, nak nangis tengok parents diorang macam tu.bukan tu je nanti diorang confuse mak ajar lain, ayah ajar lain ikut ajaran memasing”

“The Jews call 'Uzair a son of Allah, and the Christians call Christ the son of Allah. That is a saying from their mouth; (in this) they but imitate what the unbelievers of old used to say. Allah's curse be on them: how they are deluded away from the Truth!” at Taubah (repentance) 9:30.

“do u get it babe?” tangannya diangkat untuk mengusap rambut fikri. Tubuh kecil itu ditarik perlahan rapat ke arahnya. “now look at me. Marriage is a very complicated story in human history. Sum times, bende kecik pun boleh jadik besar. Apentah lagi bende yang memang originally besar macam aqidah ni.aqidah means ape yang kite percaya. For the Moslems, we do believe that there is no God but Allah and da prophet Muhammad pbuh is da messenger of Allah. But not everybody shares da same thought with us, not everybody is in da same boat with us.” Dia berhenti sejenak, menghela nafas.

“Allah tu Tuhannya mak cik, Tuhannya mak and ayah, Tuhannya fikri forever. Tuhan sumer orang Islam. One and only. Nobody can take the belief away from u unless u let it. Even though how much u like a person in future, jangan sampai ur love for her overpowers ur love to da Lord Above, clear yang?”

“Say: If it be that your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your mates, or your kindred; the wealth that ye have gained; the commerce in which ye fear a decline: or the dwellings in which ye delight - are dearer to you than Allah, or His Messenger, or the striving in His cause; - then wait until Allah brings about His decision: and Allah guides not the rebellious.” At Taubah (repentance) 9:24

And Anis (RA) reported that the Prophet (SAW) said:
"None of you will have faith until he has more love for me than for his parents, his children, and all humanity." (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim)

Ups, guess not. She saw fikri struggling to get her point. Ok, another shot, “macam ni, fikri kalau sayanggg sangat kat orang tu, ape fikri nak buat?” dengan berhati-hati dia bertanya. “fikri nak cherish orang tu, jaga dia, gembirakan hati dia, tak mo buat dia angry or sad dengan fikri..” “u’r rite indeed, fikri if possible nak always be with the fella kan?Bukan kat dunia je tapi kalau boleh fikri nak sama dengan dia kat dalam syurga gak kan, am I rite or am I rite?” sambil tangannya laju mencuit hidung fikri.

“mestila, teacher said orang yang baik tempatnye kat dalam syurga. Mesti la fikri nak dok kat tempat yang banyak orang baik,”balas fikri spontaneously sambil mengelak hidungnya dari dicuit. “okeh then wut ur teacher said bout orang yang tak beriman dengan Allah?” matanya kembali mencerun memandang fikri yang kembali mengerutkan dahi.

“If a person died without bear witnessing that there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is da messenger of Allah then orang tu directly go straight to hell. Become hell-dweller forever.” “So, fikri suke tak if one day fikri get married with a non Moslem girl then at the end of da day, she can’t be with u in heaven. Fikri kene ingat even how big da sins u made as long as u still have ur belief, insya Allah fikri still stands a chance to enter heaven but it’s not applicable to ur girl...”

“oh, jadi if fikri still wanna be with da gal fikri kene kawin dengan Moslem gal jugak la,” huh, finally. “Yup love, so u got da point. This is not da issue of kebebasan beragama, individual right to choose any kinda way to run each life but ini issue kasih dan sayang. Harap berpanjangan sampai ke syurga.”

”Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness and a provision honorable” an Noor (the light) 24:26

Bahu fikri disentuh lembut. “bile Islam forbids interreligious marriage, tu bukan nak kongkong buat tu tak boleh, buat ni tak boleh. Marriage is a congregation. A good concrete congregation formed when everybody in it has one similar belief and driving force. Nak gembira kat dunia, nak bahagia sesama kat akhirat. Am i rite?”

Fikri mengangguk perlahan. Memula memang dah budget nak close da session tapi belum sempat nak bukak mulut fikri dah tanya another question, fikri...fikri. bertuah bijak bestari sungguh anak sedara yang sorang ni. “tapi if fikri dah suka sangat kat orang tu, camne? Macam kat tv, yang even though parents diorang tak kasik pun diorang memarah parents diorang, sian kat mak and ayah diorang...”

“if fikri suke kat orang tu, nak yang da best for da fella, jadi fikri kene work hard make sure dapat sama dengan orang tu kat akhirat. Bukan takat main doa je, tapi kene usaha. Bagitau kat dia pasal islam, belikan dia Islamic books yang dapat give correct interpretation of Islam, ajak pi seminar so that she could get to know Islam a bit deeper not merely on da surface, buy her Koran, da English version one and not to forget to watch out ur behavior as well young man. Jangan misleading buat perangai tak senonoh. Nanti orang ingat tu la Islamic teaching, dah jadi fitnah kat islam kan? Dosa tau give bad impression of Islam to others”

fikri tetiba je dia tengok macam dah mengantuk, overload new knowledge la ni. Berat sangat topic hari ni. Dia tak nafikan, nak jawab kat bebudak pun macam nak pi amik test anatomy, gelabah semacam je. Rase cukupla takat tu je untuk fikri ni, “okeh, last but not least, mak cik irah nak bagitau yang kasih sayang dalam islam sangat besar maknanya. Kenapa sayang orang tu, coz orang tu satu aqidah dengan kita. Sebab tu kite tak worry but more to concern, jaga dia so dia will always be on da rite track, kalau salah maafkan, kalau lupa ingatkan, kalau tatau tunjukkan. Slalu kene doa, tak boleh lalai supaya fikri, makcik irah, ayah, mak, opah and sumer orang yang kita sayangi sentiasa disayangi Allah jugak, supaya sumer boleh masuk syurga Firdaus jugak”

Dia tersenyum merenung fikri, “kadang2 tak on da spot Allah kabulkan doa kite. Jadik kene doa banyak kali, beribu-ribu kali, kene bangun malam, kene bersedekah, banyak2 buat baik dan jaga diri elakkan buat dosa barulah Allah nak perkenankan doa kite. Perhaps Allah nak dengar rintihan hambanya, yang sebelum ni tak pepernah pun nak meminta dengan bebetul mengharap...”

Fikri terdiam, tapi rase macam diam nak tido je. Mudah- mudahan he got da message. “ok la sugar. Makcik rase fikri is sleepy rite now. Nak continue sleeping ek? Now before u enter da hibernating mode, give me one sweet kiss on my cheek first.”

Huh, bebudak. Memang penat melayan tapi worth it. Time chatting dengan diorang la nak access their understanding and comprehension on Islam and other things too. Matanya memerhati fikri menaiki tangga, then terdengar pintu ditutup. Bacaan yang tergendala tadi disambung. May God bless u, my little nephew.

p/s: frankly speaking, kawin memang susah. Bukan takat issue gushing blushing lovey dovey, couple of da year, wedding of da year tapi more toward responsibilities. Nak mendidik dan asuh diri dan sorang lagi, barula namanya sehidup semati sesama di syurga. Kalau takat nak bersama and pull stop, kat neraka pun boleh together-gether.

Sum times it’s more difficult nak tegur da beloved ones when they made mistakes especially dalam hal2 amal maaruf nahi mungkar, lebih2 lagi dalam hal syariat, dalam bab hukum hakam. tak kan nak seselamba badak sumatera plak suh berenti smoking or cakap "eh tak kan tatau kut laki tak boleh pakai gelang and rantai la" on da spot or suh tutup aurat, pakai tudung on da dot.

We’re fear of uncertainty, scared of da reaction. Tapi kene ingat tegur tandanya sayang... bukan ke?

tHinG sHe DiD...

She was watching TV on one Sunday night, biasa la lepak dengan penuh semangat kesukanan when the storyline just reminded her on how mean a woman could be once she was betrayed in love after all she had to give in her relationship. Yeah, that happens when love kills love, it cuts into so deep. So guys, beware! Hehe...dengan perlahan 2 belah tangan diregang. She is not a feminist after all but just trying to understand to what extent the kindness, gentleness, softness, compassion and affection of a woman would perish and turn her drastically into a heartless and unpredictable creature which was willingly to do anything in order to take revenge due to the double-cross made by her own boyfriend. Bile fikir balik macam tengok citer seram la pulak, padahal citer chintan chintun sadis jer.

Tak tau la pulak ape sebenarnye lesson da director nak kasik kat viewers from da story tapi pada dia la kan, it leads to several Questions:
What would you do, after all you had done for your love one, then you felt like he’s slowly outdistanced you over da time? What would you feel if the love that had been grown for years simply slipping away from your life just like grains of sand, slipping through your fingers? - no appreciation at all, being overshadowed for life by his former girlfriend, she is the one in his mind - his first priority, of course the very first thing coming trough his mind each and every single day while you, the one who is willingly be by his side is being neglected as if you never exist in his life.

Any violence on earth will not happen without reason even how minuscule, full of loopholes it is - the same goes in this situation. Would the unfaithful behavior of her boyfriend be the main factor which drives her to commit an aggressive behavior as she ever did for example, shot the former girl of his when he on one particular day said that he no longer feels like he wants to keep the relationship between them alive? Huh, dia mengeluh kuat. Haila…adult’s relationship: a bunch of sinful people stuck in da very complicated miscommunication.

Melamun sensorang kat depan tv. Was he considered to be morally guilty for the cold bloody murder as he could be described as an irresponsible man who just after the girl for fun, for an instant replacement, or just for a company at night? Was he guilty for not trying not even once, not even a little bit or not even at all explaining the reality of their relationship which considered as a failure for he was not trying his best to make even a single shot to love the girl and forget his past?

Instead of doing so, he let the past clung with him and never went far. Was he guilty for never letting the relationship alive rather that let it died without a grave? Was he guilty for letting her waiting for him wasting most of her life hoping for a day when he suddenly changed and realized that the past should be a history and the life must go on? Or was she the one who has been so-called plain stupid and didn’t want to accept the reality, still hoping for something that was impossible and super unachievable? Ntahla..memang jadik orang besar banyak giga masalah. Tanpa sedar dia menggeleng kepala yang dah mula pening mintak tido.

Perlahan-lahan tangan diangkat untuk mengurut pelipis. Problem with the people in this world nowadays is that they don’t want to change and let the past simply being part of them until at one particular point they will no longer want to appreciate and show their concern for people around them. They start confusing themselves and others plus no longer have interest in discovering new life.

Sounds pathetic but yeah it’s typical. They keep making themselves busy by chasing something which is impossible and stop thinking about the people around them that still alive and willingly to share their pains and grieves. Come on! For these people who may stumble in this situation, please think about people around you. Appreciating them is the very best thing that you could do in this world before you lose them one day. In life, there’s no turning back.

Life must go on.
And for those who felt like they are kind of victims in this condition, please don’t give up. Give a lot of chances for this type of people to change and try to understand the phase now they have gone through. If there is so obvious that he no longer wants to commit in the relationship, I supposed you get the hint that he is never going to be your Mr. Right .If he has closed the door for you, then it’s the suitable time to make a move, “leave the key back to his door” and walk away from his life to start a brand new life. Go and search for the real man that full of commitment. Don’t forget that may be the latter is a way better than the former. Thing like this always happens, never a fairytale.

Warning sign. Now mata dah berat tahap kene hempap batu, tak boleh tahan punyer. To sum up, there is a rationale when no premarital relationship is allowed in Islam. Some may think that Islam is a religion with to much do’s and don’ts. Teringat time kecik dulu, mama cakap there is always the reasons why something should be done and others shouldn’t. Mula2 dengar mama cakap terus buat gaya tak puas hati sebab sumer benda jahat yang dia buat asyik tak been approved je dengan mama tapi bile dah besar, orang kata dah cerdik skit baru she started to realize that all the laws and orders so do the prohibitions made by the Lord Above are for and only for the goodness’ sake of the mankind.

Lambat pick up, tertatih belajar mencarik rahmah di balik perintah, hikmah dan kasih sayang di balik amaran. Sooner or later, by hook or by crook each one of us will be given chances to understand what lies beneath His rules. Sikit2 kalau pun tak semua. Dia nak belajar percaya dan selalu yakin that there are always the paramount explanations for each rule He wants us to abide by, we just don’t know them all yet as we are not wise enough to discover them pieces by pieces - it may be difficult to arrange each piece of the jigsaw puzzle in its place with the limited time to live the world.

Take this as example. Islam only approves the kind of relationship between opposite genders which legally unites by a marriage. In short, get married if you want an intimate relationship with the opposite sex, there is no such a thing like try and error as what we have been doing in our daily life, may be it is practical in any other field but when we talk about man-woman thingy, we do talk about heart, feelings, chemistry and others which is exactly not only involving two people but the rest of the family. Furthermore if the relationship is failed both will be very much hurt rather than disappointed. It’s about 2 people which are sharing their lives for good which is not a simple matter.

Concern about the possibility of a divorce or an annulment of marriage due to the existence of the third party, Islam has stated since the very beginning “no” to premarital relationship. If she is not ready for a marriage then she supposed not to get involved with a guy. Better to stay away from any sign of communication with only exception in important business such as in class for learning and tutorial sessions, in beneficial discussions and etc but with proper guidelines to obey. Dia menghela nafas. Islam is beautiful. It indeed takes care of the pride and the dignity of women-meaning one good decent lady will not easily go out from her house and simply hanging out with men either in the exclusive five stars outlet or at the quiet alley, right?

Tangan menutup rapat pintu bilik, time ni la rase cam katil tu benda paling menarik on earth. Terus berfikir apsal islam tak kasik premarital relationship. If he has never ever fallen in love with his former girlfriend in the first place, may be the latter one would not be so - called “piss off” that she without any doubt dared to commit such a brutal
murder and at the same time confessed to her boyfriend about the crime that she was deep into even she evidently aware that the risk to get caught red-handed as this was a clear cut crime and breaking the penal code( plus the man in the movie is a police officer!).

Looking at the risk that she might find guilty by the juries in the court of justice which leads to death penalty or life-sentence (murder in some countries is 25 years to lifetime imprisonment and for manslaughter could be 15 to 25 years in jail), any normal person might assume that she is either plain stupid or completely mad at that time which had made her not only failed to think accordingly and killed the girl but also dared to admit to her boyfriend about the crime. Supposed it meant a lot to her as she exactly felt relief to beat her competitor -which what certainly happens when anger and jealousy take control.

What would happen if there is no third party in this case? A high possibility that she would accept the split calmly for she believed that there was no cut in from any party. Or may be there is no separation at all. No separation in premarital coupling if there is no premarital relationship in the first place because every single and each person does aware the fact that relationship between man and woman is one big serious matter to deal with that only well-prepared gentlemen and ladies will get involved in. And if only these ready to get married-people which well-recognized about their responsibilities get involved in marriage, I supposed that we would find a perfect solution to prevent divorce especially among the young couples which had increased currently around the world.

Final thought before she closed her eyes that nite. When Islam prohibits premarital relationship so do other things, it does not want to burden the Muslims but only to maintain the harmony in the particular communities. It is indeed important to seek for explanations rather than simply jump into groundless prejudices. Without any double-crossed or backstabbing or even jealousy nor greed, nobody gets hurt therefore the possibility for the marriage to be proceeded till the death tears them apart is high. One final question: does premarital relationship promoted by certain parties in Malaysia or around the world suitable and could be simply adapted into our culture or to those who claim to have beautiful minds?

malas dah nak fikir, she just switched off da light and recited da doa tido...

P/s: a friend told me if you got series of girlfriends or boyfriends in the past, things will get tough and tougher along your marital life coz you would tend to compare between your newly wedded spouse and those ur x’s. “Human nature. Tak terfikir la skarang tapi nanti boleh je jadik. And common la bile dah kawin nanti yang buruk tu nampak macam lebih overshadowed dari kebaikan kalo dah hilang rase syukur. Tetiba je jadik ala2 assistant malaikat atid tolong carik kesalahan spouse kononnya.” Sambung kawan.

nOt Dat tYPe Of LaDy...

...don't try to play me

...for me to call you baby

So you got a Bentley,

got a lotta money

Every girl's your honey excuse me

I'm not that type of lady

...Boy you need to know (you need to know)

That I'm not impressed (that I'm not impressed)

By your fancy talk (by your fancy talk)

or that money you got

Amirah Hanani senyum sensorang sambil habiskan chicken sandwich. Sekejap pandangan dihala ke depan kat kolam ikan tilapia kesayangan atuk, sekejap pulak tertumpu kat screen laptop. Mulut bergerak-gerak terkumat-kamit menyanyikan lagu from camelia ft urban exchange. Headphone dari tadi tak de sign nak ditanggal dari telinga. Ni la saat membahagiakan. Tak yah bace buku, tak yah pi class: makan, tengok tv, tido and memekak tak habis. The whole process is called: menggemukkan diri sendiri.

Back to the song. Suka arr lagu ni, exception da bar part of course. (Caution when you are reading da full version of da lyrics: Jangan pi gatal2 unwind kat club, bar, disco, da zzouk or wutever yang sama lagha denganya.) Just love the lyrics. Witty, confident habis, budget bagus and the best part da gal in the lyrics is soooooo not cheap and desperately friendly. Cayalah.

Mmm, teringat plak time secondary school. Bile tu huh, rase cam dah berabad lama. Zaman parameswara nampak kancil tendang masuk sungai anjing buruan yang escorted dia kut. Tapi believe it or not, time sekolah tu la period yang penting pada dia besides intrauterine period and early childhood stage. Wakakarakatua, medical syllabus merentas kehidupan seharian dengan jayanya, hu.

Why? Because time tu la dia mula blajar usaha escalator kejayaaan macam mane the best way to be untouchable and respectable. Dia untouchable because of 2 things, first: sebab dia once in the blue moon je mencemar duli cakap dengan budak laki yang after the end of form 5 boley dikira tak yah gune calculator brapa minutes and berapa orang je yang diperkenan duli mengadap dia, itu pun sebab emergency habis and the second reason is she never hooked up with any guy. Tak kisah la luar or dalam that sekolah. Clean record. Chop,macam tipu je. Ade la gak sesekali usha2 anak teruna orang but she clearly drew the line. Jangan sampai kene cap gedik.

Bile kengkawan tanya apsal, dia cume angkat kening dengan bahu and simply said, “I’m working hard seeking for their respect, not looking forward to be part of their collection.” Feminist habis la time tu. Sudahnye kengkawan dia buat conclusion baik punye, “ko ni sebenarnye ader hormonal imbalance, sebab tu la tak pernah minat memane laki kat sekolah ni.” Muka time cakap pun serious je, macam doctor tengah diagnose patient.

Time tu dia takat senyum and geleng kepala je la. Nak buat camne. Dedulu dia ade gak rase weird apsal kengkawan dia ni senang jek nak beramah tamah dengan lelaki tapi dia bab2 interpersonal communication dengan opposite sex ni awal2 lagi dah failed. Tak tau la nak cakap ape and nak buat muka macam mane. Then bila fikir balik may be it is the way Allah wants to protect her from ma’siat and the lagha things. Bagus gak cam tu, shielding effect free tak payah sesusah pi training.

“Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).” Al Isra’ 17:32

Dia bukanlah baik mane pun, tapi dia rase gal should be valued. Bukan dengan gushy blushy bagi bunga, jenjalan kat taman, belanja makan, dah tu bile jumpe lain, tinggal. Hargai la sangat. The value here is respect. Gals should be respected, baru la mende2 luar alam berkurang.Ramah mesra alam sangat dengan laki, nanti tak pepasal kene ambik kesempatan. Tapi if tak cakap sangat dengan boys then tetiba couple, lagi haru jadinya. Rase macam ader double standard peringkat ketujuh. Apsal dengan laki tu boleh jual mahal tapi dengan laki nun murah bagai.

Padahal kalo nak dikira sama je level: laki ajnabi a.k.a bukan mahram+ tak de ikatan yang halal tapi layan. Sudahnye karang same je endingnya: no respect, according to her understanding yang tak seberapa ni la. So dengan conclusion yang dia rase macam bernas semacam tu la dia distant herself daripada bermain-main dengan chenta, jiwa, raga, bakul ntah paper kebendenye tu. Play safe, pull stop.

Dan sebab tu jugak la dia kekadang rase jauh hati bila ade sesetengah budak perempuan yang cakap, “aku prefer lagi boys, they made good friends. Tak de nye nak cakap pasal girly stuff, frills and fluffs, pinky stuff or wut not. Susahla nak borak dengan kengkawan perempuan, mane ader yang nak cakap pasal Ryan Guettler, Colin Mackay , Tony hawk or even Tim Duncan.”

Dengan bebudak camni mesti dia tak berapa nak baik. Ntahla, may be sebab rase macam langsung tak being appreciated by her own gender. Ingat balik ape mama cakap, “time tengah single muda remaja belia macam ni la nak berkawan rapat bagai, nak kene buat banyak activities sesama. Nanti time dah kawin, tak dapat nyer lagi nak main luang2 mase dengan all of ur girlfriends. Bile dah kawin, nak kene ikut husband lagi, jaga anak lagi. Dah tak serapat dulu dengan kengkawan perempuan. There’s sumthing that u're gonna miss.”

Dan kata dia pulak kat Nana, “if those guys ade brotherly love, apsal lak da gals can’t have the sisterly love. Come on la, apsal nak criticize or distant diri from our own gender bersungguh bagai. Gals should stick together. Tak kisah la come hell or high water, I meant for good la. Let say yang sum gals suke frills and fluff, pinky stuff. So terima je la seadanya keadaan diorang. If u wanna go for BMX freestyle in da park and vert, in-line skating vert and park, basket, skateboarding ke, sports climbing, motor x hape ke, just do it but tak yah nak allergic plak to one another.”

“ tapi kengkadang aku rase certain perempuan tu terlebih la dengan girlish stuff diorang. Ade yang saje nak amik hati laki via da cheapest way,” Nana tried nak bagi opinion. “ko ni, dah diorang perempuan. Kira normallah if they act as the way they are created. Yang cheap tu bukan girlish, tapi gedik. However it is not one concrete reason to stay away from them and budget macam bagus sebab tak gedik. It is our responsibility to get them back on the right track,” jawabnya senafas.

“u have to know the rules then u can only guess the outcome. It means ko kene tau camne nak jadik perempuan yang dihormati, all the criteria barula ko boleh budget either u deserve to be respected or not, however those criteria are not coming from the guys but according to wutever stated in the holy Koran and the traditions of prophet Muhammad pbuh yang suruh jaga pergaulan antara laki dan perempuan” dia menyambung lepas sipping guava juice before her.

Sipping la sangat, padahal dah teguk sampai ¾ gelas. Dan tak sangka, lepas beberapa tahun hijriah ni bile jumpe, kengkawan still tanye benda yang sama and her answer still da same, cume part conclusion jek yang diorang alter sesedap rase. Her answer still, “women are to be valued and one of the ways to look valuable not vulnerable is to take care of korang punyer pergaulan” then the conclusion from her friends is, “kebal ek ko ni...”

“ya Allah, jadikanlah kami sesuci Maryam, setabah Asiah, dermawan seperti Khadijah, sepenyayang Fatimah dan sebijak Aishah.”

aLLaH WiLL hELp tHOse whO hELp His (cause)...

“aya sayang tolong doakan mama ek. I’ve one major operation waiting for me later at 9.” Tu ayat yang biasa dia guna each time dia ade major surgery to run. Paling tak pun, simply cakap siap dengan tangan didepa-depa kat depan aya mengisyaratkan yang “mama dah nak pi, ade keje. Aya pray for me ye.”

“apa la kau. Tiap kali nak perform surgery mesti cakap kat anak engkau. Macam dia tau je apa ko nak buat.” Kawan pernah cakap macam tu kat dia and her answer, “ape la salahnya aku mintak dia tolong doakan. Bukannya aku tak doa skali, it’s just dia budak kecik yang tak de dosa. Aku pulak tua bangka penuh dosa. So by right, doa dia lagi ade chance la nak diterima compared to mine.”

Then perlahan dia sambung, “even she will never ever understand what in heaven’s name the meaning of ‘surgery’, ‘operation’ or wut not. At least aku share la sedikit sebanyak hidup aku kat dia, sharing is caring wut....”

“whoa... tak kan nak main kecik2 ati pulak?” Dia takat senyum tawar. “Nothing personal. Sesaje melancholic pepagi buta.jiwang semacam,” Senyap jap. Masing2 dok layan perasaan. And of course la yang terbayang kat kepala dia right now, adalah wajah aya, which is her friend’s one and only daughter.

Aya tak sesempurna manusia lain. Biasa la, no body is perfect. Tapi ketidak perfect kan aya bukan pasal physical tapi dia redha. “Tak pe la mama, jaga anak yatim kan dapat pahala besar, Nabi pun suka kat anak yatim.” Cakap kat mama bila memula mama tau dia buat decision nak jaga aya. Anak yatim anak yang mulia, dilindungi Allah setiap masa and that’s for sure. So bagusla, mane tau kalau dia jaga aya nanti dia pun boleh la gak nak tumpang2 sekaki dua rahmat yang Allah beri pada anak yatim bergelar Aisyah Natasya.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) is also reported to have said: "I, and the one who looks after an orphan, will be like this in Paradise," showing his middle and index fingers and separating them. (Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7, Hadith No. 224)

“Worship none but Allah; treat with kindness your parents and kindred and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practice regular charity.” (Al-Qur'an 2:83)

Dia tau mama worried, mana tak nye. Time aya dia ambik jaga memula dulu, housemenship pun dia tak abih lagi. Dah la busy ada hati nak jaga anak orang. Mama bukan apa, tapi takut dia tak dapat jaga anak tu dengan baik.

“Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness,” ad Dhuha (the morning hours/morning bright) 93:09

“Anak adalah rahmat so does a trial for his parent. Dun ever make her hurt, she is an orphan. Be good to her” 2543 kali mama ingatkan bila dia nak jugak keep that little aya with her.

And now almost 5 years dia jaga aya. Penat letih tak boleh nak describe, indescribable tapi rahmat Allah, aya walaupun serba kekurangan tak banyak buat problems kat dia. Makan senang, tido lagi senang. Jarang dengar dia menagis sampai memula mama dah naik bising suh examine kalau2 aya sakit because she was too quiet.

“…Allah will certainly aid those who aid his (cause); - for verily Allah is full of Strength, Exalted in Might, (able to enforce His Will).” al Hajj (the pilgrimage) 22:40

Dan keadaan aya yang tak banyak kerenah may be one of His way to show her yang tak ade penat mane pun nak deal dengan bebudak macam ni. Merely stigma and groundless prejudice.

“Good morning and assalamualaikum everyone. Hi, my name is amirah hanani, can call me hani.” Ingat lagi mase memula masuk support group and spent sum precious and memorable moment with all the mothers yang sama nasib dengan dia. Memula kekok gak tapi nasib baik sumer ade sifat peramah tamah yang tinggi so dengan mudah je dapat adapt.

“Besarkan anak ni tak susah, it’s just the perception that worried me. How others would treat my gal that freak me out. Biasa la, manusia cepat gelabah dengan extraordinary thing. And the ‘extraordinary thing’ in my situation is my own one and only gal.” Dia betulkan duduk sambil perati aya yang tengah kejar butterfly kat back yard tempat diorang kumpul reramai discuss the development and the future of these kids.

“and when they decided not to even give a shot, trying to understand this ‘extraordinary thing’ alamakatak la diorang akan ade misconception and from this so called- misconception easily leads to fear and the feeling of insecure. Takut la, cuak la then lelama jadi benci. From that, there came the stigma and prejudice,” luahnya. Uik,apsal tone sedih semacam ni? The sign of disappointment and distressed? May be...

Kecewa, mana tak nye. Tak kisah la kalo takat nak tengok aya lelama tapi bile muka dah berubah cuak siap tarik tangan anak dari making friends with aya, rase macam ringan je mulut nak sound guna amplifier supaya jaga la kelakuan, awak tu mak orang. Biar malu sikit. My aya won’t bring harm to your kid la. Cume currently je sejak dia join movement and involved in so many activities explained to the community supaya dapat accept budak macam aya, things are starting to change.

Dah tak jadi terkenal dah as if no weird looks or ridiculous gaze fall upon aya. Tak dengar whisperings here and there. Now people start to understand, begin to accept budak2 macam aya. Mula ade rase concern and sympathy dengan nasib kanak2 yang tak berdosa ni. Dia mengucap syukur menguntum senyum.

Malam tu time ambik aya dari rumah mama, aya dah tido. Lesu coz main dengan cousins yang lain. Plus dengan anak architect next door. Terjaga kejap bila dia cradled aya masuk dalam bilik. Tengok keadaan aya yang macam tu, kekadang dia terpikir sendiri. Macam mane la perasaan aya bila tengok diri sendirik lain dari yang lain, her emotion, her feeling. Takut ke, sedih ke?

Tak tau sebab tak rase. Tapi at least dapat contribute sum thing to make aya’s life better. Bukan main lepas tangan, dapat tau ade problem with the pregnancy skit, dah nak abort. Chicken! Tak berani langsung nak face the reality. Running away from the reality will not solve the problem. Dun play God as we never ever are. Not our business or framework nak determine sorang tu capable to run the life or not.

“Kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin.” Al Isra’ (the night journey, children of Israel) 17:31.

Tapi jadilah hamba Allah yang redha atas setiap trial and tribulation yang datang. Budak tu pun tak mintak lahir macam tu, bukannye sesaje offer diri nak lahir dalam serba kurang and suka suki nak susahkan orang. Again anak is a gift from the Lord Above. Appreciate him will hurt you not. Allah saje nak bagi pahala free via taking care of those babies. By aborting them indirectly shows that we reject the chance to attain His bless. Dah la amalan tak seberapa. Mesti baby tu rase sedih. Dah la kekurangan, awal2 lagi parents dah tak ade rase nak jaga.

“When the female (infant), buried alive, is questioned - For what crime she was killed;” at Takwir (the overthrowing) 81: 8-9

Dan dia tak pernah lupa yang aya or memana mentally retarded kids adalah bersih dari dosa, tinggi darjat di sisi Allah and always under His protection. Hati yang suci, yang tak pernah tercalit walau satu dosa pun sejak lahir kat dunia ni. Tak de dosa sebab tengok, cakap, dengar, or even pikir benda2 lagha.

Kekadang rase macam best pulak jaga aya. Yelah, when other parents keep on worrying anak memasing dengar seksa-seksi nye, clubbing la, partying all night, dengan illegal racing and over socializing among nowadays-boys and gals, dia boleh lepak relax lagi takat make sure aya is physically healthy, emotionally stable and once a while bawak pi usrah, daurah (camping), rihlah (picnic) islami. Bawak pi dengar tazkirah, ta’lim and tak yah la nak migraine2 pikir anak yang tak berapa nak jadi manusia yang berguna. Aya pun tak de la severe sangat, she just has got the mild one.

Dia selalu cakap kat aya, “aya sayang, aya anak yang istimewa. Doa aya selalu Allah terima, pray for mama will ye? Doa kat Allah satu hari nanti mama dapat jumpa aya kat syurga Allah. Jangan tinggal mama sensorang masuk neraka...” Moga ibadah membesarkan aya menjadi pembela dari dirinya disambar api neraka...

#since this block study on humanity and bioethics tetiba je orang jadi lebih berbioethics and humane. Kut la.
Just I would like to make it clear, say it out loud to the world that I’m strongly against abortion and baby euthanasia. Hey world, see things the way I do!